Tips on how to ...detatch yourself from your work

Today's Truth -- It is Your Life -- Choose how you want to spend it

In talking with my friends and clients, the topic of long work hours comes up often.  Many seem resigned to it and a few fight it a bit and end up right back on that frantic treadmill.  It is a huge dilemma for all of us.  The age we are in is results-driven.  It is a truth across all industries. 

I have asked people for their the motivation to continue putting in those long hours.  The majority response?  "If I don't produce, I won't keep my job."  Similarly, "If I can't get everything done, they will find someone who will."; There are a lot of people out there -- with more education and even younger than I am -- who need jobs and would work for less." 

I think part of the problem happens when we become our job -- that is, we confuse our identity of who we are with what we do. I can tell you fear runs that game.

About 72% of respondents in a recent Human Resources Management study said exhaustion was the most significant indicator of too much work, stress, lack of work/life balance, time away from the family and working too many hours.

So in my little group -- how do they cope?  It was interesting...about 45% take a sick day.  "Me" time involved vacations days, drinks out with friends and moving along the workload, i.e. delegation.

What do we do?  I found a very good article by Gill Corkindale on HBR.  Her information is excellent and she offers a solid perspective.  I know, it is another coping article, but I am hopeful you take it to heart and find parts of it you can use.

Life is so much more than a job.  And, the amazing thing...when you get the balance right for you...work isn't so much like work anymore.

Cheers!
DCR 

The Kindness Pledge

Today's Truth

What does it mean to be a kind person?

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, which is funny, because I write about personal truths I have been thinking about, experiencing or discussed with others. I haven't written here because I haven't been thinking, going through life experiences or talking...I was distracted by January. So, thanks for your patience and here comes a new topic.

True Kindness...and the expression of it.

So many people talk a good game about being kind to others, but when it comes right down to it...how much do they actually do?  I know you are thinking -- whoa!  Me too.

How kindness is explained can be far reaching.  It is more than it appears to be on the surface.  Here is a link to the word on thesaurus.com.  The many forms kindness can take  is worth looking into and thinking about.  Look at all the synonyms and check out the antonyms, too.  http://thesaurus.com/browse/kindness

Kindness is an active part of how I choose to live my life.  I found the personal pledge below and really appreciate it.  It provides action steps to incorporate kindness into our daily intentions.  It reminded me that what we think is as important as what we do.

Cheers!

DCR

Words of Wisdom: The Kindness Pledge
I Resolve to...

1. Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Act kindly toward someone as least once a day.
4. Avoid speaking unkindly of anyone.
5. Avoid speaking unkindly to anyone.
6. Avoid acting unkindly toward anyone.

Source: The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik

Tips: Break out of the holidays and back into business

The holidays have kicked my creative tush.

I don’t know about you, but, as wonderful as the holidays are, they totally derail my daily business activities, not to mention creativity. And, let’s face it; I am in business – artist, writer, professional blogger and non-profit strategist.

But, gosh, isn’t it fun to escape from work and focus on the gifts, food and other people. So why does this make us dread returning to work responsibilities? In a word…”Guilt.” We know exactly what we haven’t been doing. Oh, yeah. We know. And we just don't want to face it.  It really is that simple. 

I admit it. The holidays blow my self-employed business momentum. If this happens to you as well, you might find the tips I have put together useful to get back into the creative zone…and the business of it.

Take stock and make a conscious decision about which day you will again “Hit the ground running.” Then, get up that day at a specific time and – hit it.  The key here is to decide on a date and time in advance...and honor it. Take your coffee into your studio/office – it helps.

Avoid being reactive – this means focusing on your immediate responsibilities/tasks instead of reading and answering your backlog of emails and social media. If you go there, you will be doing it all day. Or, better yet, set a time period during the later part of the morning that you will respond.

Make a list and stick to it. This time-honored, time management tool works. It doesn’t allow for distractions and your mind can’t wander if your “To Do” list is right in front of you.  To help you refocus and get back into a business rhythm -- try making a list of the most critical tasks you need to accomplish. Kinda ease into it.

Devote energy to “Looking ahead”. This is easy – make plans and schedule stuff for the future. Flip through your calendar for the new year and start filling in important dates. Pencil in meetings you want to schedule; relationships you want to build; deadlines you want to meet. Dream, plan a little, write it down. It can be inspiring…and before you even realize it, you are “back into the business of business.”

Happy New Year,

DCR

It's Christmas. No Stress. No Pressure. Ask Oren...

Here we go, or here we have gone...the holidays are upon us.  Many of us are running around feeling super stressed, getting angry easily, feeling pushed into a corner and find ourselves growling through the holidays.  Why is that?  For some reason the holiday season ramps up the pressure.  What is that about?  Let's ask ourselves this question and listen to the answer -- "What is this pressure I feel?"  Really, what is it?  It is a good thing to know the answer -- it can change attitudes and relieve that sense of being out of balance. 

Maybe you can identify with one or two thoughts on this list. I tried to cover most of the feelings I have heard expressed and some I've experienced myself: 

Forms of holiday pressure:

• I have too much to do and I can't get everything done in time.
• It is Christmas and if I don't give them the right gifts, I look bad.
• It is Christmas and if they don't get the right gifts, they will be unhappy.
• It is Christmas and I know I should be celebrating, but, please -- stop talking and ring up my purchases -- I can't wait forever.
• It is Christmas and even though I can't stand my (name any family member), I have to be nice and put up with him/her.
• It is Christmas and I don't have anyone special to share it with.
• Why do I always have to do everything?
• I don't have enough money to buy expensive gifts...but if I don't, people will think I am cheap or don't know the difference.
• It's Christmas and everything has to be perfect.

OK, by now, you are probably seeing the "I" word in every single stressed out thought listed above.  My question...why do we do this to ourselves?  It certainly isn't in the spirit of Christmas -- you remember that, don't you, good will, generosity, peace, love, faith, generosity?

You know what, this year, the holiday season is all about the real things for me.  What do I want to give?  Good will.  Alrighty then... that's a big goal.  So what does that look like?  I posted a quote on my personal facebook page that sort of describes it and want to share it here, too. Take a look.  Of course, I will be giving tangible gifts, but I am putting the qualities on this list at the top of my list for the whole season...and beyond: 

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. -- Oren Arnold

These gifts don't come wrapped in pretty paper.  They come wrapped in the love of your heart; the ability to genuinely love others and... "appreciate yourself". 

How to do that?  Breathe; take your time; don't spend over your budget; take some time off -- away from work (even a few hours and go to your favorite relaxing place and sit for awhile with a good book...or Kindle :); decide, (yes, decide), that you won't react negatively.

Here's more...plan a simple holiday meal and ask for help -- don't martyr yourself, ask; realize the gifts you give to others are thoughtfully chosen by you and it is the thought that counts; realize in today's economy, the giant, perfect, gifts are rare -- and that is really okay -- probably even better; realize that for your family and friends, having you relaxed and happy, rather that stressed out and mad, is a gift in itself.

The best one I know?  Have faith, know it is going to be okay and if someone is disappointed, it isn't about you. Love and love and love some more.

Additionally, there are all kinds of articles with tips to manage stress and here is a link to one of them -- seems like a straightforward article and common sense http://www.todays-women-and-health.com/managing-stress.html 

My wish for you...be happy and have a peaceful, satisfying, comfortable holiday season.

With respect,

DCR  

Gratitude's the Attitude

Today's Truth


With the holiday, Thanksgiving Day, coming up, my thoughts naturally turn to gratitude.  This time of year a great deal of thought is given to thankfulness, appreciation, respect, generosity.





Serenity, Thad L. Rice, 2009, Rice Agency



What struck me to write about is how gratitude can take many forms.  For it to be a spoken affirmation, is always nice...and a gift is certainly welcome.  Although, what I am most interested in today, is how gratitude is unspoken...that shiny little coin we take out of our pockets and share everyday.

 Gratitude is action.  So, what does that look like?  It is found in caring for an elderly parent or friend.  We share its grace when we keep nagging thoughts to ourselves.  When we consciously do not complain about a co-worker to anyone who will listen -- it is after all a choice -- is, actually, a form of gratitude. 

Once I jumped on this train of thought, I had to smile.  Thankfulness isn't always the supplicated form on bended knee.  (Although, that certainly can't hurt).  Thankfulness can be recognized in our everyday selves -- our kindness, generosity, our ability to put some one's needs before our own.  Even when we can quiet a fear or worry.  I saw a quote once and I hope I am remembering correctly..."Ingratitude is worry in advance."   Hmmm.

Thank you and me, for all of our daily efforts. 
Thanks for the laundry done; asking which show the other person wants to watch; listening when we are too busy; going to all the football games; smiling when we want to snarl; patience at the grocery or bank or cleaners; the ability to hear what is being said and accept it; not rolling our eyes at whatever is said; noticing the mundane daily chores that get done; being brave; facing fear; not always thinking about ourselves; driving with kindness; understanding it is okay to not always be right; saying the kind word; bringing an extra coffee to work; smiling at loud children; understanding it isn't the waiter's fault.  I am sure you get the drift here.  

Once started, this list can go on and on.  I appreciate, deeply, the efforts we all make to be good humans.  Let's give ourselves a little pat on the back, and keep at it.  Happy Thanksgiving...it IS the attitude of gratitude.

With respect,
DCR     

Weekends are forever...oh, really, I thought they were.

Play a little bit all week long



Today's Truth

Ah, the weekend is virtually here.  It is Friday and the countdown to freedom has begun.

Yep, we all feel that way...bosses, owners, managers, employees, volunteers...we all think "TGIF".  Why is that?

As a self-employed worker wearing all the hats mentioned above, I do have some flexibility in my work week.  I don't cram my work schedule into 60-70 hour weeks anymore.  Thank you, oh, thank you!  if I want to juggle my schedule and go to a golf game, I can, and answer only to myself about it.  Wouldn't you think that would make the weekend less important to me?  As we speak I am sitting at my computer drinking coffee and eating cookies...in my sweats, mind you.  So why, really... why, is the weekend still as important to me as it was when I was working all those long hours? 

I have thought about this for awhile. Here is a question (and it's not a bad one)...could it be because we give ourselves permission to be happy, relaxed and focused on our real lives on the weekend?  Do we just let our hair down and and think, "Boy-oh-boy, I can sleep in; wear no make-up; live in comfy clothes; spend more time with the kids; cook; read; veg; watch television - movies; get outside; nap; stay inside; paint; write; decorate; repair; shop...do you see where I am going with this?

Hey, I am right there with ya, buddy!  I am peddling that work wheel all week too! (say that three times very quickly-- sounds like... would a woodchuck chuck...).  Yeah, we do chuck wood. All week.  It doesn't matter if we love our job or not.  We are still, each and every one of us, not starting our day with our own agenda.  Man, who gets to do that?  The very, very wealthy?  

We are not alone.  A recent study of more than 50,000 employees from a variety of manufacturing and service organizations found that two out of every five are dissatisfied with the balance between their work and their personal lives. 

How do you get a more balanced work and personal life so the weekend isn't the only freedom you have? Here are some tips that might work for you...

• Negotiate and change your hours at work -- can you flex or go part-time?
• Get a new job -- some jobs are more stressful than others and suck the life right out of you.
• Take a good hard look at consulting or free-lancing.  Can you make it work financially?
• Schedule fewer meetings...really, and schedule more time in between them.  Talk to your team and see how you can eliminate some meetings.  They will cheer!
• Slow down and do not plan stuff every evening and weekend.  You are in charge of that, aren't you?
• Take time out for you.  No one will faint if the dishes aren't done or the lawn doesn't get mowed.  Hire a baby sitter, dog sitter, housekeeper, gardener, if you can afford one or all.  Or, ask your friends or family for a favor -- it's allowed.  Escape for a few hours during the week.  You will be amazed!
• Just say no.  Really,  politely, say no.  No, I can't go shopping, or take on the project or host the holiday feast or plan the company picnic or chair that special fundraiser for the school.
• Take a "mental health" day away from work. We used to call that playing hooky.  It's OK, I give you permission.
• Oh, I hate to say it...Make a list, set priorities and accomplish them.  Putting off tasks adds to stress.  Getting it done at work and at home, will simplify your life and take some of the guilt off your mind.
• Live in the moment and not in the future or past.  You can't get it all done and make your whole world right, at this minute, can you?  Probably not, so take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up and do what you can with each day -- just make sure you include in it some of the things YOU want.  And, reach for the happy.  I promise you will lose some frustration...a little resentment and feel recharged throughout the week and weekend.

With respect,

DCR

Is It Complicated?

Today's Truth

You know, I really, really wanted to blog every single week.  I wanted to blog with meaning and sincerity, talking about noble and truthful things.  A good thought, for sure, but what I have found is that I am not moved to write lofty ideals every week.  No, it isn't that I get all down and gloomy, it is just that things happen, schedules change and stuff gets in the way.  Could be called life, what do you think?  So, today, I am moved and I want to share some thoughts...

Is It Complicated?
Is life all that complicated, or do we make it that way.  Some simple concepts have been around forever and still seem to work.
1. Be the best person you can be.  Yep, try to take the high road.
2. Be kind.
3. Take time to be grateful. This is so important.  Gratitude wipes out a lot of junky thoughts..thoughts that really don't improve your life, but lead right back to other downward spiraling thoughts that just perpetuate a feeling of dissatisfaction.
4. Give it your all -- don't hold back your best efforts - in anything.
5. Think about other people -- oh yeah, and put them first sometimes.  Make the phone call; write the caring card; do something nice and don't expect anything back.  Connect face-to-face; take time to build relationships.
6.  If you get angry, take a breath and look at both perspectives -- your own and the other person's.
7. If you don't like something, try to change it.
8. Make life about more than your job -- realize it does not define you, but incorporates your values, talents and passion.
9.  Take time to do things you enjoy -- nature, art shows, theatre, walking on the beach, shopping (within reason), movies, golf, conversations, dinner parties, redecorating... and the list goes on.
10.  Talk to the people you enjoy -- have real conversations.  Let go of the relationships that make you feel bad about yourself -- those negative people that sap your energy.
11.  Don't put off the difficult conversations -- hurt or angry feelings build up.
12.  Don't keep emotional score; don't be an emotional vampire.  Sorry, but it isn't always about you.
13.  Do something creative -- it is fun, offers an immediate sense of accomplishment and lasts.
14.  Figure out your own thoughts on spirituality.
15.  Love yourself and loving others will be a natural consequence.
16.  Help others, through donations, charity work or service.

Not so much...
Well, there you have it.  Not so complicated is it?  We are meant to live a life we enjoy.  I think we make it hard on ourselves sometimes.  I hope these ideas are helpful to you.

Wishing you joy,
DCR