Is It Complicated?

Today's Truth

You know, I really, really wanted to blog every single week.  I wanted to blog with meaning and sincerity, talking about noble and truthful things.  A good thought, for sure, but what I have found is that I am not moved to write lofty ideals every week.  No, it isn't that I get all down and gloomy, it is just that things happen, schedules change and stuff gets in the way.  Could be called life, what do you think?  So, today, I am moved and I want to share some thoughts...

Is It Complicated?
Is life all that complicated, or do we make it that way.  Some simple concepts have been around forever and still seem to work.
1. Be the best person you can be.  Yep, try to take the high road.
2. Be kind.
3. Take time to be grateful. This is so important.  Gratitude wipes out a lot of junky thoughts..thoughts that really don't improve your life, but lead right back to other downward spiraling thoughts that just perpetuate a feeling of dissatisfaction.
4. Give it your all -- don't hold back your best efforts - in anything.
5. Think about other people -- oh yeah, and put them first sometimes.  Make the phone call; write the caring card; do something nice and don't expect anything back.  Connect face-to-face; take time to build relationships.
6.  If you get angry, take a breath and look at both perspectives -- your own and the other person's.
7. If you don't like something, try to change it.
8. Make life about more than your job -- realize it does not define you, but incorporates your values, talents and passion.
9.  Take time to do things you enjoy -- nature, art shows, theatre, walking on the beach, shopping (within reason), movies, golf, conversations, dinner parties, redecorating... and the list goes on.
10.  Talk to the people you enjoy -- have real conversations.  Let go of the relationships that make you feel bad about yourself -- those negative people that sap your energy.
11.  Don't put off the difficult conversations -- hurt or angry feelings build up.
12.  Don't keep emotional score; don't be an emotional vampire.  Sorry, but it isn't always about you.
13.  Do something creative -- it is fun, offers an immediate sense of accomplishment and lasts.
14.  Figure out your own thoughts on spirituality.
15.  Love yourself and loving others will be a natural consequence.
16.  Help others, through donations, charity work or service.

Not so much...
Well, there you have it.  Not so complicated is it?  We are meant to live a life we enjoy.  I think we make it hard on ourselves sometimes.  I hope these ideas are helpful to you.

Wishing you joy,
DCR

When the high, low and self-righteous roads connect...ouch!

Truth Today
Oh well, ok...we all know we are supposed to take the high road in any given situation. Yep -- easy.  Basics:  The high road is when you make the choice that seems to be the most ethical and/or moral.  The low road is when you make the choice that 1) will benefit you, 2) put the other person at some disadvantage or 3) makes it easiest (seemingly) for yourself. The self-righteous road is when you convince yourself you are taking the high road, when really, you are manipulating the facts to make it easier to do what you want to do anyway. 

Easy example:  There is only one serving of chocolate creme brulee left and your decision is to eat it, share it with your mate or wrap it up and take it to your co-worker with the sweet tooth who is going through such a difficult time.  Solutions:  Low road, you eat it.  High road, you share it or at least attempt to share it.  Self-righteous road, you eat it and tell yourself that your mate has already had several servings and/or the lady at work needs to lose weight and the creme brulee wouldn't help her in the long run.

Pretty self-explantory, right?  Let's step it up a bit...right into the ethics of relationships and human interaction categories.

The high, low and self-righeous roads connect when we make choices with the wrong (eeeuuu) motives.  Example:  You and your mate have a long discussion/argument about spending habits.  High road, "Honey, I see your point, so let's work on this together and check in with each other before spending more than $50 on something."  Low road, "Honey, I see your point, so let's work on this together and check in with each other before spending more than $50 bucks on something."  Then, when those cute, cute shoes calling your name, appear, you put it on the credit card and don't mention it.  Self-righteous road, "Honey, I see your point, so let's work on this together and check in with each other before spending more than $50 bucks on something."  Then, when those cute, cute shoes appear, you spend your stashed cash and not only don't mention it, but justify it with, "He/She (your mate) is always buying a Starbucks coffee, so it won't hurt if I buy these for me.  He/She never needs to know."

Here is another one:  You have a colleague at work that drives you bonkers.  You are smart enough to know that it is in your best interest to try to get along and not make waves in the office, so you are always nice to her face.  You run into her on your morning coffee break and briefly chat about nothing, maybe she says she is having a tough time on a project -- break is over and you smile and tell her to have a good day.  Later, over lunch with your buds you tell them about running into her.  High road, "I ran into Ruth this morning and she is really working hard on the xyz project."  Low road, "I ran into that beeatch Ruth this morning and she was whining about how hard she has it."  Self-righteous road, "I saw Ruth this morning and she is way over her head on the xyz project and she is going to make it hard on all of us."  In other words...you hack her up into little pieces for the love of gossip and/or to make yourself seem a little more important.

Cutting to the chase -- these might sting a little...

You have an argument with your mate or best friend that doesn't really get resolved.  Self-righteous road, you take the argument to all your buds and present only your side of it (in a very nice and well-meaning way) to get them to trash the other person, so you feel "right", "justified", or "superior".

You manage a group of people and a problem comes up about someone in the group -- Joe. Self-righteous road, "I can get Joe in line if I share just a part of this with him and put my own spin on it. That will solve the whole problem and be good for everyone involved."

Are you getting my drift here?  Never fear, there is a litmus test of questions you can ask yourself to find out which road is looming before you.

First, of course...The Golden Rule...Ask yourself, "Would I want someone to do this to me(think about me) this way?

Second, Media Rule...Ask yourself, "Would I make this same decision if it were announced on local tv and everyone would know I made it?

Third, Moral Rule...Ask yourself, "If I make this decision will I like the person I see in the mirror everyday?  Will he/she be the reflection of the person I want/strive to be?"

Fourth, Mentor Rule...Ask yourself, "If I make this decision, will my mom or dad or (someone you admire) be proud of me?"

There you go, food for thought.  That high road isn't such a high road if it isn't taken honestly and with good intention.  All the familiar words pop up here...ethics, morals, honesty, integrity, kindness, principles, etc.  It never hurts to ask ourselves a few questions and get back honest answers.  Living life and interacting with others (especially those you love) in a transparent way, gives us lots of room to grow in our relationships and strengthen our own characters.  Not a bad thing.

Hey, always with respect,
DCR  

My Truth Today 2/2/10 - How to "Take the High Road"

Today
Conflict...we all run into it, have to face it, and... have to deal with it.  Apparently, there is no limit to where you can find it, or, it can find you. 

So, how do we find the willingness to take a higher path when someone has pushed our buttons, stepped on our toes, offended our sensabilities, crowded in line, cut us off in traffic or said something incredibly rude?

How do you find a way to express love instead of anger or sarcasm to resolve what seems to be a difficult situation? It isn’t easy to reach such readiness to yield, but here are some ideas that might be beneficial...

Take a moment.  Actually, give yourself time to collect your thoughts and determine HOW you want to respond.  Take a deep breath, several if needed.  Center yourself.  There is no law that says you have to make a quick verbal comeback.  Command your mental space.  I am not talking about not standing up for yourself, I am talking about choosing a response rather than letting a knee-jerk reaction define you.

While you are "centering" or finding your zen place, think about a couple of things...

• Find a way to respond that won't escalate the situation.  Rather than, "You punk, I am next in line, " you might say, "You like the chocolate brownies, too?  We are all waiting in line," then gesture to the end of the line. 
• What about the person/friend who says, "You look tired or asks if you have gained weight?  I can't believe that people have that kind of the chutzpah, but they do.  Your centered response..."Actually, I am feeling so full of energy since I started walking," or, look them in the eye and laughingly say, "Gosh, it seems like we both could use a fitness program." (This last one isn't strictly the highest road, but it allows you to stand up for yourself without an angry response).
• Take a breath.  Consider who it is that is doing or saying something that upsets you. If you can take a look from his/her perspective, it might help.  Who knows what is going on in his/her life.  You can choose to find compassion and respond with kindess.  I think it is called grace.

Finally, don't allow the unpleasant incident, whatever it was, to ruin your day.  Ask yourself if you will even remember it in two months?  Most likely, you won't.  Nothing says you lose anything if you...don't have to be "right"... smile and walk away... or simply yield.  It is the high road and builds inner strength when we travel on it.

   
Mark Twain said..."Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

Thank you to Rice Agency and Associates

for the use of today's beautiful photo.