Tips on how to ...detatch yourself from your work

Today's Truth -- It is Your Life -- Choose how you want to spend it

In talking with my friends and clients, the topic of long work hours comes up often.  Many seem resigned to it and a few fight it a bit and end up right back on that frantic treadmill.  It is a huge dilemma for all of us.  The age we are in is results-driven.  It is a truth across all industries. 

I have asked people for their the motivation to continue putting in those long hours.  The majority response?  "If I don't produce, I won't keep my job."  Similarly, "If I can't get everything done, they will find someone who will."; There are a lot of people out there -- with more education and even younger than I am -- who need jobs and would work for less." 

I think part of the problem happens when we become our job -- that is, we confuse our identity of who we are with what we do. I can tell you fear runs that game.

About 72% of respondents in a recent Human Resources Management study said exhaustion was the most significant indicator of too much work, stress, lack of work/life balance, time away from the family and working too many hours.

So in my little group -- how do they cope?  It was interesting...about 45% take a sick day.  "Me" time involved vacations days, drinks out with friends and moving along the workload, i.e. delegation.

What do we do?  I found a very good article by Gill Corkindale on HBR.  Her information is excellent and she offers a solid perspective.  I know, it is another coping article, but I am hopeful you take it to heart and find parts of it you can use.

Life is so much more than a job.  And, the amazing thing...when you get the balance right for you...work isn't so much like work anymore.

Cheers!
DCR 

Regrets...How much time do you give to them?

Today
My apologies for missing a new post last week.  I was otherwise occupied.  Smile. 

Okay, Okay.  We all have regrets -- y'know those actions, words or thoughts we wish we could undo or take back with a big, screaming, "Do Over!"  Remember, when you were a kid and it was as easy as that -- yelling, "Do Over"!  Unfortunately, adult life really doesn't work like an etch-a-sketch and "poof" the regret is erased.  I guess the big question is how to move on from thinking about them, or thinking about how to correct them, or how to ease the pain we experience every single time we revisit them.

"You absolute bonehead, how could you have said/done that?" -- DCR

Another question...is it really the actual words or actions we regret, or the feelings we experience when we recall them, like one of my particular favorites when having a discussion with myself on the topic..."You absolute bonehead, how could you have said/done that?"  I'm thinking it is a bit of both.  We are sorry we did/said whatever it was and we really don't like the feeling that comes when we think about it -- the memory makes us feel even more miserable.

Sidetrack...Do you know people who make regret into a victimization art?  They are so good at it, they make you feel badly for them and kaboomski you are suddenly part of their whole regret scenario and you continually try to help them feel better.  How goofy is that?  It is like a heroin addiction..."Ooooh, but it feels so good to feel bad." Eeeeeuuu.  I know people like that and I am finally smart enough (TYG) to run as far and as fast as I can.

Okay, okay, back to my original point.  How much time and thought do we need to give to our regrets before we learn from them and move on?  Aha! Did you notice how I was sneaky there and threw in the "we learn from them" part?  A regret can play on and on like a loop on a tape, until it looms so large, that it morphs into something that becomes a part of us.  You need to recognize it if that is what you are doing.  

There are things we do or say that we really do need to face, admit and fix if we can.  It happens.  There is my point in a nutshell...it happens.  At one time or another, we all do and say stuff that is incredibly stupid or selfish or mean or any variety of the icky sorts of things our mommas told us not to do (if you are lucky enough that your momma passed along some wisdom).  Here comes the part I like...

Number one, if you are still doing something similar, stop doing it and number two, if you have the opportunity to say to the other person(s) involved that you are sorry... be big enough to say it and mean it. If you aren't still doing something similar but the thought of what you did keeps coming back like bad marinara sauce, tell yourself you are sorry you were so stupid and move on.  You have the power to do that.  You have the power and permission to have those conversations with yourself.  You can recognize your own poor behavior and feel sorry for it and fix it.  If you can't give yourself permission...I will.  Smile.  

I am getting to a juncture here.  Don't spend your energy or your life in the regret zone.  My God, people, can you give yourselves a break?  Stand up and take responsibility and then...wait for it...move on.  Think about it this way...Life is a big ol' school ground. We don't know everything at the beginning...we live it and learn as we go.  If you make a mistake on a math problem, do you wring your hands and cry for the rest of your life (unless you are me, the whole school quarter), or do you erase it and figure out how to correct it and move on?  Let's vote for the correct it and move on part. What is it you need to do that?  No, really, I am asking you a question.  You have to put some effort into this whole deal -- as in -- think it through.  The most amazing and wonderful thing happens when you face the regret head-on and take responsibility for it and fix it (if you can) and let it go...you are free.  No more sadness, no more feeling like you are a bad person, no more snugglin' up to the bad feeling like it's a warm blankie.  You are free.  Imagine the relief, heck, imagine all the time and energy you will have to put into happiness or joy or new people or inspiration or creativity or...are you getting the idea?

You can wrap yourself in the stranglehold and twisted comfort of regrets or you can make the choice to open yourself up to living the life you really want.  Profound...no, difficult, not really.  Look your little self in the eye (mirror is best) and give yourself permission to be whole.  It is not that scary.  You can do this...

With respect,
DCR      

Take a chance on happiness... figure it out in the fast lane!

My Truth Today

Happiness is a big topic and there are no guaranteed steps to it because we are all individuals.  We each have our own concept of what our happiness looks like.  Our separate visions of happiness have different components, desires, faces.  Here are a few suggestions on how to recognize, reach out and grab your happiness.  And, after all the work to get there, it is up to you to sustain it:

"Sure, you can share your life with other people...think of a track field with all the different lanes... but please notice that you are the only one in your lane". -- Diana Campbell Rice

Live right now...

Yesterday is gone -- aggressively take from it the best and positive and leave the rest -- it doesn't help our attitudes to constantly have that "could have... should have... conversation with ourselves".  It leaves us feeling inadequate when we continually tell ourselves that things would have worked out better if we had said or done something differently.  We didn't, so what?  Today is new.  Tomorrow isn't yet, so we have today to make our choices. 

Today is your experience. Understand that what you are thinking about, negative or positive, will shape your outlook, attitude and experiences for the whole day. 

Choose to be on your own side...
Gosh, can't we all be hard on ourselves?  Soul-search and figure out what inner voice tape keeps running on a loop in your mind -- fear, anger, worry, jealousy?  Negative thoughts cause negative emotions and that makes us feel bad.  Simple, huh?  Recognize and identify what is causing you to feel badly, don't just react to it.  Replace those negative thoughts, one at a time, with good ones... about yourself, your life, your job, your spouse, your family or... fill in the blank that works for you. 

Take responsibility...
Ooooh, this can be a toughie.  Here it is...no one, let me repeat, no one, is responsible for you, but you.  Your husband/wife, best friend, boss, mother/dad or cousin Sue aren't living your life.  You are the only person making the decisions about your life.  You are walking along your own individual life/growth path.  Sure, you can share life with other people, think of a track field with all the different lanes, but please notice that you are the only one in your lane.  Be conscious of your own mind, your behavior, your actions, your reactions.  These make up your day-to-day experience and ultimately, your happiness or dissatisfaction.  And, after all, that is what unhappiness is...when you are not satisfied with yourself, someone else, or something else. By the way, if you choose to give away the responsibility for your happiness/life to someone else, that person will often get tired of carrying around that responsibility... and give it back, unpleasantly.

Support yourself...
You have a right to be who you are and live up to your own expectations. Get your thoughts, hopes, dreams and actions into alignment. Put yourself in a quiet location and let your mind wander.  Accept all the feelings that come up and use them to identify both the positive and negative thoughts.  Acknowledge negative thoughts, one at a time, and replace each one with a positive self statement. This is one way to figure out what it is you want or need to change in your life.  The picture will get clear and you will get a good view of your own expectations and realize that these are the only ones you need to live up to...no one else's expectations really matter in the long run.

Decide to live with purpose...

• Determine that you have the power to achieve your happiness (this often involves goals)
• Determine that you are taking responsibility for your happiness
• Identify your action steps necessary to move toward happiness and away from dissatisfaction
• Check yourself often (thoughts, behavior, actions) to see if you are on track
• Develop an attitude of gratitude
• Spread some kindness
• Stop making everyone else's life revolve around yours and do something good for someone else
• Give yourself a treat everyday and enjoy it (not necessarily food or jewelry :) 
• Don't obsess over the lack of anything...(fill in the blank here -- what is it you think you don't have enough of, or what is missing?)
• Live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  You will have what you need.
• Don't compare yourself or your life to anyone else's
• Make the time to interact with people who make you feel good
• Don't have any time to interact with people who make you feel bad about yourself
• Don't carry the world on your shoulders
• Work at your faith and find your truth, whatever that is

Wishing you a much recognized happiness,
Diana