Weekends are forever...oh, really, I thought they were.

Play a little bit all week long



Today's Truth

Ah, the weekend is virtually here.  It is Friday and the countdown to freedom has begun.

Yep, we all feel that way...bosses, owners, managers, employees, volunteers...we all think "TGIF".  Why is that?

As a self-employed worker wearing all the hats mentioned above, I do have some flexibility in my work week.  I don't cram my work schedule into 60-70 hour weeks anymore.  Thank you, oh, thank you!  if I want to juggle my schedule and go to a golf game, I can, and answer only to myself about it.  Wouldn't you think that would make the weekend less important to me?  As we speak I am sitting at my computer drinking coffee and eating cookies...in my sweats, mind you.  So why, really... why, is the weekend still as important to me as it was when I was working all those long hours? 

I have thought about this for awhile. Here is a question (and it's not a bad one)...could it be because we give ourselves permission to be happy, relaxed and focused on our real lives on the weekend?  Do we just let our hair down and and think, "Boy-oh-boy, I can sleep in; wear no make-up; live in comfy clothes; spend more time with the kids; cook; read; veg; watch television - movies; get outside; nap; stay inside; paint; write; decorate; repair; shop...do you see where I am going with this?

Hey, I am right there with ya, buddy!  I am peddling that work wheel all week too! (say that three times very quickly-- sounds like... would a woodchuck chuck...).  Yeah, we do chuck wood. All week.  It doesn't matter if we love our job or not.  We are still, each and every one of us, not starting our day with our own agenda.  Man, who gets to do that?  The very, very wealthy?  

We are not alone.  A recent study of more than 50,000 employees from a variety of manufacturing and service organizations found that two out of every five are dissatisfied with the balance between their work and their personal lives. 

How do you get a more balanced work and personal life so the weekend isn't the only freedom you have? Here are some tips that might work for you...

• Negotiate and change your hours at work -- can you flex or go part-time?
• Get a new job -- some jobs are more stressful than others and suck the life right out of you.
• Take a good hard look at consulting or free-lancing.  Can you make it work financially?
• Schedule fewer meetings...really, and schedule more time in between them.  Talk to your team and see how you can eliminate some meetings.  They will cheer!
• Slow down and do not plan stuff every evening and weekend.  You are in charge of that, aren't you?
• Take time out for you.  No one will faint if the dishes aren't done or the lawn doesn't get mowed.  Hire a baby sitter, dog sitter, housekeeper, gardener, if you can afford one or all.  Or, ask your friends or family for a favor -- it's allowed.  Escape for a few hours during the week.  You will be amazed!
• Just say no.  Really,  politely, say no.  No, I can't go shopping, or take on the project or host the holiday feast or plan the company picnic or chair that special fundraiser for the school.
• Take a "mental health" day away from work. We used to call that playing hooky.  It's OK, I give you permission.
• Oh, I hate to say it...Make a list, set priorities and accomplish them.  Putting off tasks adds to stress.  Getting it done at work and at home, will simplify your life and take some of the guilt off your mind.
• Live in the moment and not in the future or past.  You can't get it all done and make your whole world right, at this minute, can you?  Probably not, so take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up and do what you can with each day -- just make sure you include in it some of the things YOU want.  And, reach for the happy.  I promise you will lose some frustration...a little resentment and feel recharged throughout the week and weekend.

With respect,

DCR

You just ticked away your relationship...

Today...Tick, Tock...

Something occurred to me yesterday -- hardly a revolutionary thought, but one that went thump -- the type of inner call (brrrrinnng!) that gets my attention, everytime.   

We spend so much time with technology that we have removed ourselves from actual people.  I love FB; the convenience of emails -- spend some time texting and have a laptop and smartphone.  My work is computer-centered, writing articles, two blogs, editing four more and producing volumes of marketing materials, etc.  Follow this link to youtube video with data on the growth of social media.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIFYPQjYhv8&feature=player_embedded

Many of us rarely make time to see friends anymore and sadly, we have nudged that habit over to our significant partners. 

We are bound, people, tied... to our social media on computers and cellphones.  We have learned to mentally gyrate to the vibrations of technology rather than the nuance of face-to-face communication.  Holy crocus in a pottery bowl! as someone dear to me would say.

Tick-tock, people.  Ask yourself, how many hours at night or on the weekends do you spend texting, emailing, FB'ng, or working on the computer?  How much time do you spend yaking with someone else...and not the person with whom you are in a committed relationship?

"Remember back to when your heart was open."...DCR

Then, ask yourself another question.  How comforting is your computer?  Did your cell phone give you a high-five when you landed that job?  When your mom was sick, did the laptop hold you and tell you it would be alright?  Nope, hopefully, your significant other, or committed partner, did that.

I feel compelled to share this with you...the intimacy of your relationship can erode if you don't spend quality time together.  The good news, it won't take a great big effort to change it -- consistent effort, yes -- horrible and anxiety-ridden effort, no.  Once or twice a week, spend 2-4 hours talking with your main squeeze and focus on that person. 

Here is something simple you can do and it serves as dinner:

Some evening during the week, grab some cheeses, olives, crackers, veggies, nuts and two of your favorite beverages.  Take a few minutes to arrange it all pleasantly on a cheeseboard and plates -- NOT at the dining room table.  Place it in a comfortable area where you don't usually sit together and will have some privacy. (Funny how we only use those cozy little spaces for guests at our parties).  If you have kids, give them some nachos and cheese spread in another room.  (You know what I mean, here, right?).  This isn't a commentary on food, but on some no-tension quality time for you and your love. 

Give yourselves a couple of hours to munch and sip and talk -- do not chew over problems, or big projects, or anything that changes the energy to a negative space.  Remember back to when it was all new and your heart was open and your head was interested in this fascinating other person.

Why does the senario above work?  Well, for one... it takes some time to eat these little appetizers -- spread the cheese on the crackers, take a sip, talk.  Grab an olive, munch, take a sip, talk...you get the idea. For another... you are working at it -- making an effort to keep the intimate, one-human-being-to-another connection, alive.

Relationships are like anything else...left untended, they don't grow.  Ignored, they wither.  Ignored enough, they fade, bite-the-dust...cease to be, finito.

Tick-tock, tick-tock...

Heck, I don't care if it's JuJubees and juice, try it this weekend!

Happy Friday,
Diana


   

How to make difficult relationship decisions…it is a process

Today
There are times in life when we arrive willingly or unwilling at a point that calls for a decision… one that might change our lives. I am not talking about altering a hairstyle or buying a new car. No, it is the decision that will affect you and someone else -- and often, it is about relationships. Let's talk about ending committed partner relationships.

First, things, first…

When you arrive at the point you feel it's necessary to consider making this kind of decision – acknowledge to yourself that it hasn't been an easy road. Why? Self-expectation. When we fall in love and make a commitment, we expect it will turn out well. If it doesn't, quite often, we find ourselves surprised and somehow to blame. We take it all on, in one big lump and it churns and churns…what is wrong…what could I have done differently…what should he/she have done differently…what happens if I end this…how will I ever be okay…how, how can I do this?

Get yourself to a location that is neutral – don't sit in your bedroom and contemplate walking away from a relationship and your home – that is just self-torture. If you are considering making a life-altering change, don't you think it is worth investing in a few days away? Go to a hotel at the beach or a loving friend's home for a couple of days – even one day. Get away from the entire situation and environment.

Next…

When you have stopped crying or feeling bad, perhaps had something to eat and some sleep, then you can approach the BIG question. How do you do that? Interview yourself…yeah, that's right…ask yourself a series of questions.

Sit down with yourself (just you…no one else) and a pad of paper. Be direct and clear with yourself and don't avoid the thoughts that come up -- you aren't making the BIG decision yet, you are just thinking about it.

Understand that the only person you can really change is yourself. Write down the following list of questions and answer them – Be brief, positive and specific:

• 
  
  Why am I here?
  Be fair to yourself -- by acknowledging that there must be some valid reason you have arrived at this point. Okay, you have just validated that you have a reason to be thinking the thoughts you are thinking.
• 
  
  Am I serious about this? Am I willing to accept the consequences of this decision?
• 
  
  What happens to me if I end this relationship? Write down everything that makes you feel afraid
• What happens to my partner if I end this relationship? Write down everything that makes you feel afraid for...or of...your partner
• What happens if I don't end this relationship? Be really honest here…
• 
  
  Is it too late to call a truce? Will more talk save this relationship? Will a trial separation period save this relationship?
• 
  
  Am I willing to try to work this out with a counselor/therapist?
  Get the name of a Marriage Family Therapist from someone you trust. Talk to your partner. Schedule an appointment – whether or not your partner agrees to accompany you. It is so important to talk with a neutral person. Your friend, or mom or sister or brother, usually are going to see things from your perspective. They may or may not be objective and honesty includes objectivity.

Once you have answered these questions in writing -- you have done just that and only that…answered your own questions. It doesn't mean you must act on them, it means you have taken the time to sort out your thoughts and emotions.

Don't rush right out and share your answers with anyone, including your best friend. Let them settle…they belong to you, they're yours. You can decide where you want to take it from this point and remember, you don't have to make that decision immediately.
So many times, it is fear that keeps us from making any type of decision. Having the answers to some of your questions should help quiet your fears and enable you to approach the situation from a stronger basis.

I want to share a very simple truth with you...

        "You will feel the way you feel, until you don't feel that way anymore". -- DCR 

In other words, you will recognize it when you are ready to make a change. Take a deep breath…and realize that.


Regards,
Diana