The Kindness Pledge

Today's Truth

What does it mean to be a kind person?

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, which is funny, because I write about personal truths I have been thinking about, experiencing or discussed with others. I haven't written here because I haven't been thinking, going through life experiences or talking...I was distracted by January. So, thanks for your patience and here comes a new topic.

True Kindness...and the expression of it.

So many people talk a good game about being kind to others, but when it comes right down to it...how much do they actually do?  I know you are thinking -- whoa!  Me too.

How kindness is explained can be far reaching.  It is more than it appears to be on the surface.  Here is a link to the word on thesaurus.com.  The many forms kindness can take  is worth looking into and thinking about.  Look at all the synonyms and check out the antonyms, too.  http://thesaurus.com/browse/kindness

Kindness is an active part of how I choose to live my life.  I found the personal pledge below and really appreciate it.  It provides action steps to incorporate kindness into our daily intentions.  It reminded me that what we think is as important as what we do.

Cheers!

DCR

Words of Wisdom: The Kindness Pledge
I Resolve to...

1. Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Act kindly toward someone as least once a day.
4. Avoid speaking unkindly of anyone.
5. Avoid speaking unkindly to anyone.
6. Avoid acting unkindly toward anyone.

Source: The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik

Gratitude's the Attitude

Today's Truth


With the holiday, Thanksgiving Day, coming up, my thoughts naturally turn to gratitude.  This time of year a great deal of thought is given to thankfulness, appreciation, respect, generosity.





Serenity, Thad L. Rice, 2009, Rice Agency



What struck me to write about is how gratitude can take many forms.  For it to be a spoken affirmation, is always nice...and a gift is certainly welcome.  Although, what I am most interested in today, is how gratitude is unspoken...that shiny little coin we take out of our pockets and share everyday.

 Gratitude is action.  So, what does that look like?  It is found in caring for an elderly parent or friend.  We share its grace when we keep nagging thoughts to ourselves.  When we consciously do not complain about a co-worker to anyone who will listen -- it is after all a choice -- is, actually, a form of gratitude. 

Once I jumped on this train of thought, I had to smile.  Thankfulness isn't always the supplicated form on bended knee.  (Although, that certainly can't hurt).  Thankfulness can be recognized in our everyday selves -- our kindness, generosity, our ability to put some one's needs before our own.  Even when we can quiet a fear or worry.  I saw a quote once and I hope I am remembering correctly..."Ingratitude is worry in advance."   Hmmm.

Thank you and me, for all of our daily efforts. 
Thanks for the laundry done; asking which show the other person wants to watch; listening when we are too busy; going to all the football games; smiling when we want to snarl; patience at the grocery or bank or cleaners; the ability to hear what is being said and accept it; not rolling our eyes at whatever is said; noticing the mundane daily chores that get done; being brave; facing fear; not always thinking about ourselves; driving with kindness; understanding it is okay to not always be right; saying the kind word; bringing an extra coffee to work; smiling at loud children; understanding it isn't the waiter's fault.  I am sure you get the drift here.  

Once started, this list can go on and on.  I appreciate, deeply, the efforts we all make to be good humans.  Let's give ourselves a little pat on the back, and keep at it.  Happy Thanksgiving...it IS the attitude of gratitude.

With respect,
DCR     

Grace or indignation...your response makes a difference

Today
Encounters happen everyday, with loved ones, colleagues, friends and strangers -- I think it is called, life. We have all had incidents that caused us to question ourselves on how we responded at the time.  You know what I mean...those encounters that provoked a strong response...either positive or negative...grace or indignation. 

Goodwill...

Definition:  a kindly feeling of approval and support; benevolent interest or concern; cheerful consent; willing effort.  (M.Webster Dictionary)

Goodwill...what a very powerful word. I think it is so beneficial to question ourselves about the environment our actions or reactions generate. You may ask, "Why"?  Because within our responses, lies the power to create an environment of support and encouragement (grace) or generate tension and escalate anger or feelings of hurt and discouragement (indignation). 

Around our house, we put a pretty big emphasis on tolerance and trying to understand where the other person is coming from.  For example:  The really grumpy store clerk might be caring for an aging parent and three small children and working two part-time jobs. (your smile in the face of his or her indifference or rudeness, could generate some hope or just help that person feel better).  Or, your significant other had a horrible, tension-filled day at work and isn't in the best of moods.  Your decision not to jump on him/her about something he/she did or didn't do for you, could generate a peaceful atmosphere -- and your partner actually has time to recover from the indignity's of the day. 

We don't know everything about the trials or difficulties someone experiences -- even in our own families.  We don't go to work with our husbands, wives or partners.  We don't go into the classrooms with our kids.  Stuff goes on everyday.  What do we know?  We know that we govern how we treat other people.  Each one of us determines whether we dispense grace or indignation in our daily encounters.  

Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times when my reactions were more concerned with pride and holding on to my right to be right.  Funny how hanging on to your own so-called "rights" (hmm, I think that is actually called self-righteousness) can end up becoming a lesson in humility. And, how does the lesson happen?  It takes place when we question ourselves about our actions or reactions or in actions, rather than going, "la, la, la...merrily on our way."   It might be referred to as a "teachable moment," that is, if we are willing.  It happens when we make a conscious effort (care enough) to question our behavior toward other people. 

Oh, man, I can see red when someone is a thoughtless or aggressive driver.  I have learned to let that go...I govern my own response to the actions of others.  I can react with anger and frustration, or not.  In that situation I can actually think this thought, "You, stupid, jerk...I hope blah, blah, blah."  Or, I can think this thought, "Take care of yourself, buddy -- you are better than this."  Big difference, huh?  And, you know what?  I have discovered an added benefit, I am not angry or frustrated.  Hoorah! 

Do we realize the power we have to defuse a situation that has turned ugly?  Do we have an attitude of tolerance and kindness ready and waiting to be used?  Do we need...or rather, must we always be right?  You remember that quote from the bible about treating other people how you would like to be treated?  Yeah, the power to generate goodwill in the lives of all the people you encounter -- friends, family, strangers, colleagues -- has a lot to do with thinking along those lines.  My gosh, we all have enough of our own burdens to carry without adding a load to the other guy's.

Give out daily doses of grace...it's really good medicine.  It heals the hurts of others, and strangely enough, our own, too.

With respect,
DCR

Thank you to Rice Agency for the use of the beautiful photo!
It is rare to see this many blooms at one time on a domestic cactus.  This particular cactus is from a cutting that belonged to my great, great, grandmother in Georgia.  My grandmother brought a cutting with her when she came to California and our family has enjoyed the quiet beauty of it for years.  This year, the blooms joyfully exploded.

          

Happiness...how to find it and keep it...

Today
Happiness

Elusive, future, not, past...words often used in connection to the word happiness.

It is a startling question to ask yourself seriously, Am I happy? It could bring to mind the bumpy road, an uncomfortable squirm or a sarcastic jibe -- as in, "yeah, right."

Taking it a step further and making it more than a passing wonderment will require other questions...i.e., what needs to take place in my thinking to change my happiness connectivity words from... elusive, future, not, past...to...within my possession, now, yes and now?

"You will always be you...figure out how to love who you are." -- DCR

I have a few simple ideas on the topic -- all solution-oriented. I'll share:

• Try different things -- challenges create new opportunities to learn, stretch and grow
• Surround yourself with positive people -- people who add to your sense of happiness
• Say goodbye to people/friends who constantly tell you that you should be a different person -- it usually has something to do with their agenda. Kick them to the curb -- (my version...wish them well and move on)
• Gratitude and Blessings -- make time to recognize these in your life, everyday, and express them
• Connect -- spend time with people you love or with those you enjoy
• Tolerance and Acceptance -- we cannot control the universe and everyone in it. If we all wore pink bowties it would be boring. Live and let live. Embrace our differences
• If you have a weakness, bad habit or trait that you allow to stop your happiness, change it or learn to live with it

• Slow down -- take a load off your schedule, calendar, activity list. Stop breezing through everything you do and ask yourself...Is this necessary? Do I enjoy this? How do I feel about this? Do I love this?
• Love yourself, Treat yourself -- can't say this one enough... You will always be you...figure out how to love who you are
• Realize there will always be critics -- unreservedly love yourself
• Run straight toward the fear...stomp it, kick it, master it, control it
• Acknowledge that you deserve to be happy. Feel it, recognize it, make it real
• Do stuff you love -- make time to DO the things that make you happy -- art, reading, sports, writing, walking the dog, gardening, museums, galleries, antiquing...
• Get over yourself -- uncomfortable, difficult and very sad things happen to every single one of us. Life also involves all of us. Each and every person has their own perspective -- honor that
• Laugh at yourself
• If you have children, love them with your whole being
• Be very, very kind
• Be gracious and teach graciousness -- it is a dying art
• Get up, look in the mirror and answer the questions you see there -- have courage, you are loved by the universe.

Consider reading The Happiness Project a book by Gretchin Rubin and her blog of the same name.

There's the long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development, (began in 1937) profiled in an interesting piece, "What Makes Us Happy?" June 2009 Atlantic Monthly. It appears achieving or explaining happiness can be as complex for men as for women.

Here's to you!
With happiness and respect,
DCR

What Is My Truth Today.. WIMTT? 1/26/10

What is My Truth Today...WIMTT?
Teaching the recognition of love...
I have been thinking about the quiet kinds of love that empower individuals to connect and share.  It is the type of love that makes us want to reach out to the people of Haiti to help and comfort.  It is the sort that binds us all together -- we become a universal family, metamorphosing into a far more selfless expression.   

How far can that expression of love reach?  Is it what causes someone to be kind to the waitress when the chef didn't get the order right?  Or, is it what causes one to act -- mow the lawn for the neighbor who can no longer afford the gardener? Is it what has us shaking our heads when we read about the conditions of calamity, disaster, disorder, chaos and desperation prevelant in the media -- to feel that thump in our hearts?  Is it what calls upon us to say a kind word to uplift the checker at the store, who seems so tired and deflated?  Is it what causes the hairdresser to have the courage to ask her client sporting yet another bruise, "Is there anything I can do to help you?"  Is it what prompts a person to ask the shivering homeless man, "Will you be right here for a few minutes, and if you wouldn't mind, can I go get you a coat?"

Gratefully, I have often been the recipient of love's selfless focus.  It happens day in and day out with my family and close friends...it is how we live our lives.  We were taught and given opportunities on how to love with the quietness that does not demand recognition, but remains love none the less -- that sharing and caring for another person.  

Today

I just want to say I am grateful.

Today

I want to share with you this thought...teach everyone around you by your actions how to ask themselves, "What can I do to make someone's experience a little happier?"