Gratitude's the Attitude

Today's Truth


With the holiday, Thanksgiving Day, coming up, my thoughts naturally turn to gratitude.  This time of year a great deal of thought is given to thankfulness, appreciation, respect, generosity.





Serenity, Thad L. Rice, 2009, Rice Agency



What struck me to write about is how gratitude can take many forms.  For it to be a spoken affirmation, is always nice...and a gift is certainly welcome.  Although, what I am most interested in today, is how gratitude is unspoken...that shiny little coin we take out of our pockets and share everyday.

 Gratitude is action.  So, what does that look like?  It is found in caring for an elderly parent or friend.  We share its grace when we keep nagging thoughts to ourselves.  When we consciously do not complain about a co-worker to anyone who will listen -- it is after all a choice -- is, actually, a form of gratitude. 

Once I jumped on this train of thought, I had to smile.  Thankfulness isn't always the supplicated form on bended knee.  (Although, that certainly can't hurt).  Thankfulness can be recognized in our everyday selves -- our kindness, generosity, our ability to put some one's needs before our own.  Even when we can quiet a fear or worry.  I saw a quote once and I hope I am remembering correctly..."Ingratitude is worry in advance."   Hmmm.

Thank you and me, for all of our daily efforts. 
Thanks for the laundry done; asking which show the other person wants to watch; listening when we are too busy; going to all the football games; smiling when we want to snarl; patience at the grocery or bank or cleaners; the ability to hear what is being said and accept it; not rolling our eyes at whatever is said; noticing the mundane daily chores that get done; being brave; facing fear; not always thinking about ourselves; driving with kindness; understanding it is okay to not always be right; saying the kind word; bringing an extra coffee to work; smiling at loud children; understanding it isn't the waiter's fault.  I am sure you get the drift here.  

Once started, this list can go on and on.  I appreciate, deeply, the efforts we all make to be good humans.  Let's give ourselves a little pat on the back, and keep at it.  Happy Thanksgiving...it IS the attitude of gratitude.

With respect,
DCR     

Is It Complicated?

Today's Truth

You know, I really, really wanted to blog every single week.  I wanted to blog with meaning and sincerity, talking about noble and truthful things.  A good thought, for sure, but what I have found is that I am not moved to write lofty ideals every week.  No, it isn't that I get all down and gloomy, it is just that things happen, schedules change and stuff gets in the way.  Could be called life, what do you think?  So, today, I am moved and I want to share some thoughts...

Is It Complicated?
Is life all that complicated, or do we make it that way.  Some simple concepts have been around forever and still seem to work.
1. Be the best person you can be.  Yep, try to take the high road.
2. Be kind.
3. Take time to be grateful. This is so important.  Gratitude wipes out a lot of junky thoughts..thoughts that really don't improve your life, but lead right back to other downward spiraling thoughts that just perpetuate a feeling of dissatisfaction.
4. Give it your all -- don't hold back your best efforts - in anything.
5. Think about other people -- oh yeah, and put them first sometimes.  Make the phone call; write the caring card; do something nice and don't expect anything back.  Connect face-to-face; take time to build relationships.
6.  If you get angry, take a breath and look at both perspectives -- your own and the other person's.
7. If you don't like something, try to change it.
8. Make life about more than your job -- realize it does not define you, but incorporates your values, talents and passion.
9.  Take time to do things you enjoy -- nature, art shows, theatre, walking on the beach, shopping (within reason), movies, golf, conversations, dinner parties, redecorating... and the list goes on.
10.  Talk to the people you enjoy -- have real conversations.  Let go of the relationships that make you feel bad about yourself -- those negative people that sap your energy.
11.  Don't put off the difficult conversations -- hurt or angry feelings build up.
12.  Don't keep emotional score; don't be an emotional vampire.  Sorry, but it isn't always about you.
13.  Do something creative -- it is fun, offers an immediate sense of accomplishment and lasts.
14.  Figure out your own thoughts on spirituality.
15.  Love yourself and loving others will be a natural consequence.
16.  Help others, through donations, charity work or service.

Not so much...
Well, there you have it.  Not so complicated is it?  We are meant to live a life we enjoy.  I think we make it hard on ourselves sometimes.  I hope these ideas are helpful to you.

Wishing you joy,
DCR

The Many Avenues of Truth: Motives -- check in often

Today
Hello! Sorry again that I haven't posted in two weeks -- crazy schedule -- fabulous and inspiring, but the kind that required my entire focus.

MOTIVE
I have been thinking recently about the importance of motive, i.e. that little factor that shapes our thought and leads to action. Actually, motive is much larger than what we think, when you bring it into mind as a question, you can begin to define your response to the words and actions of others. Not only can you question your own motives -- you are free to investigate and determine the motivation of other people -- friends, family, colleagues, brief acquaintances, etc. Sometimes these questions are effortless to recognize, as in, "What on earth was he/she thinking?" We all easily recognize that thought! Sometimes, not so much.

Today's discussion is about quietly assessing why we or someone else has said or done something. It is a valuable tool, for ourselves (why are we thinking, saying or doing whatever it is we are thinking, saying or doing) or...why is someone else saying or doing something.

I have heard it said that our motives are the same thing as our desires. Hmmm, ok...what do people want – way deep down? We all want to be happy...I think it is that simple.
How do motives play into the happiness plan? Motives lead to intentions.

Now, having said that mouthful, let me begin to explain:  There are lots and lots of ways to approach anything. We each choose on an infinitesimal scale daily what we are going to say and do. All interactions involve what? Yay, you guessed it -- people. So, we have our own motives...and make no mistake about it...it is...how am I going to respond today so I can express my own idea of happiness... love, patience, mercy and peace or am I going to get what I want regardless of the pain/discomfort/humiliation/loss of confidence/sadness/hurt/ it might cause another person? That itty-bitty definition is motive boiled down to its core.

You don't suck it up like your favorite strawberry milkshake. -- DCR

 What about the motivations of other people? I love my mama -- she boils stuff down to the core in every interaction she has -- she knows where her feet are and can pretty much tell you why the other guy is saying or doing whatever it is he/she saying or doing. Gosh, I appreciate that skill. There is no fooling her. She has lived long enough to know the wisdom of asking that question...why? She taught her girls to ask that question...did we always listen? Well, that is another story.

For ourselves, we can ask the question... how is this going to effect someone else-- is this thought/conversation/action constructive or destructive? And, hey, no matter what you are telling yourself, you know the answer. You may want to start practicing a little self-awareness -- we may be just a little rusty on that one -- but it is how we take responsibility for our thoughts/words and actions. And please, don't be vague here. Gosh, don't you just love vague -- you can hide all sorts of things there. Smiling.

Let's talk about why it might be wise to question other folks' motives? Because you are not a complete ninny, that is why. You are intelligent -- you realize people say or do stuff for all kinds of reasons that are not always in your best interest. Do you hate them for it? NO, you recognize what they are doing and why, then deflect it. You don't suck it up like your favorite strawberry milkshake. We live and learn. If we care at all, we learn to recognize motivations and behaviors.

You want an example? OK. You have a friend that always, always shares his/her drama with you...seeking your input (which by the way you give with your whole heart and good intentions)...but stuff never changes, the drama continues in one form or another. Does the relationship drama in his/her life ever get fixed? Does he/she ever actually solve the problem? In this situation his or her motivation for telling you these private problems isn't really for you to fix it, this person is just using you for a dumping ground -- your input goes in one ear and out the other. This isn't constructive...it is destructive if you are feeling sad, drained, frustrated or tired after a conversation with this person. OK, so... you now recognize what this person is doing and stop your emotional investment. Sure, you can still listen if you want (I wouldn't, but that is my take), but know that you cannot invest yourself in helping this person solve anything. You are not being judgmental...you are recognizing motivation and choosing how you are going to respond to it.

Either recognizing what motivates ourselves or other is valuable. It is a tool you will want to use often. It will make a difference in your own happiness and for others, too.

Constructive...destructive? It is up to you.

With respect and affection,

DCR