Is It Complicated?

Today's Truth

You know, I really, really wanted to blog every single week.  I wanted to blog with meaning and sincerity, talking about noble and truthful things.  A good thought, for sure, but what I have found is that I am not moved to write lofty ideals every week.  No, it isn't that I get all down and gloomy, it is just that things happen, schedules change and stuff gets in the way.  Could be called life, what do you think?  So, today, I am moved and I want to share some thoughts...

Is It Complicated?
Is life all that complicated, or do we make it that way.  Some simple concepts have been around forever and still seem to work.
1. Be the best person you can be.  Yep, try to take the high road.
2. Be kind.
3. Take time to be grateful. This is so important.  Gratitude wipes out a lot of junky thoughts..thoughts that really don't improve your life, but lead right back to other downward spiraling thoughts that just perpetuate a feeling of dissatisfaction.
4. Give it your all -- don't hold back your best efforts - in anything.
5. Think about other people -- oh yeah, and put them first sometimes.  Make the phone call; write the caring card; do something nice and don't expect anything back.  Connect face-to-face; take time to build relationships.
6.  If you get angry, take a breath and look at both perspectives -- your own and the other person's.
7. If you don't like something, try to change it.
8. Make life about more than your job -- realize it does not define you, but incorporates your values, talents and passion.
9.  Take time to do things you enjoy -- nature, art shows, theatre, walking on the beach, shopping (within reason), movies, golf, conversations, dinner parties, redecorating... and the list goes on.
10.  Talk to the people you enjoy -- have real conversations.  Let go of the relationships that make you feel bad about yourself -- those negative people that sap your energy.
11.  Don't put off the difficult conversations -- hurt or angry feelings build up.
12.  Don't keep emotional score; don't be an emotional vampire.  Sorry, but it isn't always about you.
13.  Do something creative -- it is fun, offers an immediate sense of accomplishment and lasts.
14.  Figure out your own thoughts on spirituality.
15.  Love yourself and loving others will be a natural consequence.
16.  Help others, through donations, charity work or service.

Not so much...
Well, there you have it.  Not so complicated is it?  We are meant to live a life we enjoy.  I think we make it hard on ourselves sometimes.  I hope these ideas are helpful to you.

Wishing you joy,
DCR

Contentment...comforted and satisfied...is that you?

Contentment

Definition: comfort, happiness

Antonyms: discomfort, discontent, displeasure, dissatisfaction, misery, sadness, unhappiness

Do you ever feel contented -- just the wrap your arms around yourself and smile kind of contentment or satisfaction with your life?  I am talking about the "I love my life," kind of joy that comes when you feel your version of safe and happy?

The reason I am asking is that I have run into lots of people lately who seem to have no idea about that kind of feeling.  I was floored with astonishment.  Call me naive, or maybe even a little dense, but I really thought that most people had a handle on happy -- perhaps not both hands around it securely, but a least a now version of it clutched in their fingertips.

If I can share some insight or be helpful, I am always so happy to do it, so that attitude has often led to conversation safety in which people can share stuff with me. In discussing various topics in this blog site, some people have opened up to me and talked about some pretty intimate issues.    You know what I have noticed?  For many, many people, the art of feeling or recognizing contentment with their own lives is missing.  Satisfaction with their lives seems to be illusive and skipping over the next horizon of achievement, love, lover, house, car, honor, title, job, room makeover, self makeover, makeover makeover. Well, I exaggerated that last part a bit, but not much.  This quote by Murray Bookchin sums it up... 

"People are never free of trying to be content." - Murray Bookchin

What is going on?  Do we really not understand what defines us?  Is it a severe case of the if only, as in if only I had chosen that other job or bought that other house or lost that 20 lbs., or (sigh) fallen in love with or married someone else?  Or, do we not have a flippin' clue what we want?

I am running screaming straight into the jungle...waving my arms... see them?  Darlings, each and everyone one...don't you know that you are loved just because you are you? And, please don't miss the fact that YOU can love you, just because you are you.  My God you don't have to work so hard at this.  I want to pat people on the back and say, "it's gonna be okay," then I want to give them a swift kick and whisper through clenched teeth, "work at it."

If we had all the answers all the time, we could all lie around and eat peaches...oooh, with cream.  Discontent is the casual (or not) feeling that something is always not quite right and needs something else to fix it or complete it.  Contentment is knowing that life is flexible and has curves and winding turns and requires our participation...and that we are good for it.  That is the part...the intuition or gut instinct that seems to be missing...that thing that helps us to understand and know that IT IS going to be alright and we can do it, take it, change it, accept it, live with it and move forward.  We are not paralyzed or inadequate or incapable or silly or stupid or afraid to think and act.  We absolutely have the power to make decisions that make us happy.  

That stupid saying so popular right now...No worries...is offered up on a plate like cold gravy.  It is an insult.  It might as well be a bat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what the intent of it is supposed to be.  However, it is the intellectual equivalent of telling someone he or she is half-witted and has miss-stepped."  Ok, I feel better having gotten that off my chest.

Are you really unhappy?  What is it you want?  Please realize that new car probably isn't going to do it for you.  Neither is that new job title or moving to Vermont.  These are symbols of some version of a success script you have written.  Now, I am not saying I don't love a new car like a hug around the neck, but c'mon, if you are just grazing through life's high points to get yourself by until the next one, at some point, you just gotta sit down and turn the gaze inward and ask the difficult questions. Or, how about this, stop all of that and just look up, say, Thanks to the universe and Know.  Know that you have the where-with-all, the guts, the heart, the innate ability for appreciation and gratitude for your life...and that... that carries with it the grace to feel peace. 

Yep, here is my take on it...we have to work at peace and contentment, if only through the thoughts and actions of gratitude.  Gratitude and appreciation will move you from self-pity to the recognition of all that you have in your possession.  When we get a real understanding of that big picture, the steps we need to take, come.  When we take the steps, we feel empowered, our self-esteem rises and we feel even better. It really is very simple, so let's stop beating ourselves up...okay?  Step by step, know.  Step by step, appreciate.  Step by step, love.  Step by step, think.  Step by step, feel the love and strength and goodness that surrounds you.  Step by step, you will know what to do.

Love you!

Diana  

Happiness...how to find it and keep it...

Today
Happiness

Elusive, future, not, past...words often used in connection to the word happiness.

It is a startling question to ask yourself seriously, Am I happy? It could bring to mind the bumpy road, an uncomfortable squirm or a sarcastic jibe -- as in, "yeah, right."

Taking it a step further and making it more than a passing wonderment will require other questions...i.e., what needs to take place in my thinking to change my happiness connectivity words from... elusive, future, not, past...to...within my possession, now, yes and now?

"You will always be you...figure out how to love who you are." -- DCR

I have a few simple ideas on the topic -- all solution-oriented. I'll share:

• Try different things -- challenges create new opportunities to learn, stretch and grow
• Surround yourself with positive people -- people who add to your sense of happiness
• Say goodbye to people/friends who constantly tell you that you should be a different person -- it usually has something to do with their agenda. Kick them to the curb -- (my version...wish them well and move on)
• Gratitude and Blessings -- make time to recognize these in your life, everyday, and express them
• Connect -- spend time with people you love or with those you enjoy
• Tolerance and Acceptance -- we cannot control the universe and everyone in it. If we all wore pink bowties it would be boring. Live and let live. Embrace our differences
• If you have a weakness, bad habit or trait that you allow to stop your happiness, change it or learn to live with it

• Slow down -- take a load off your schedule, calendar, activity list. Stop breezing through everything you do and ask yourself...Is this necessary? Do I enjoy this? How do I feel about this? Do I love this?
• Love yourself, Treat yourself -- can't say this one enough... You will always be you...figure out how to love who you are
• Realize there will always be critics -- unreservedly love yourself
• Run straight toward the fear...stomp it, kick it, master it, control it
• Acknowledge that you deserve to be happy. Feel it, recognize it, make it real
• Do stuff you love -- make time to DO the things that make you happy -- art, reading, sports, writing, walking the dog, gardening, museums, galleries, antiquing...
• Get over yourself -- uncomfortable, difficult and very sad things happen to every single one of us. Life also involves all of us. Each and every person has their own perspective -- honor that
• Laugh at yourself
• If you have children, love them with your whole being
• Be very, very kind
• Be gracious and teach graciousness -- it is a dying art
• Get up, look in the mirror and answer the questions you see there -- have courage, you are loved by the universe.

Consider reading The Happiness Project a book by Gretchin Rubin and her blog of the same name.

There's the long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development, (began in 1937) profiled in an interesting piece, "What Makes Us Happy?" June 2009 Atlantic Monthly. It appears achieving or explaining happiness can be as complex for men as for women.

Here's to you!
With happiness and respect,
DCR

Take a chance on happiness... figure it out in the fast lane!

My Truth Today

Happiness is a big topic and there are no guaranteed steps to it because we are all individuals.  We each have our own concept of what our happiness looks like.  Our separate visions of happiness have different components, desires, faces.  Here are a few suggestions on how to recognize, reach out and grab your happiness.  And, after all the work to get there, it is up to you to sustain it:

"Sure, you can share your life with other people...think of a track field with all the different lanes... but please notice that you are the only one in your lane". -- Diana Campbell Rice

Live right now...

Yesterday is gone -- aggressively take from it the best and positive and leave the rest -- it doesn't help our attitudes to constantly have that "could have... should have... conversation with ourselves".  It leaves us feeling inadequate when we continually tell ourselves that things would have worked out better if we had said or done something differently.  We didn't, so what?  Today is new.  Tomorrow isn't yet, so we have today to make our choices. 

Today is your experience. Understand that what you are thinking about, negative or positive, will shape your outlook, attitude and experiences for the whole day. 

Choose to be on your own side...
Gosh, can't we all be hard on ourselves?  Soul-search and figure out what inner voice tape keeps running on a loop in your mind -- fear, anger, worry, jealousy?  Negative thoughts cause negative emotions and that makes us feel bad.  Simple, huh?  Recognize and identify what is causing you to feel badly, don't just react to it.  Replace those negative thoughts, one at a time, with good ones... about yourself, your life, your job, your spouse, your family or... fill in the blank that works for you. 

Take responsibility...
Ooooh, this can be a toughie.  Here it is...no one, let me repeat, no one, is responsible for you, but you.  Your husband/wife, best friend, boss, mother/dad or cousin Sue aren't living your life.  You are the only person making the decisions about your life.  You are walking along your own individual life/growth path.  Sure, you can share life with other people, think of a track field with all the different lanes, but please notice that you are the only one in your lane.  Be conscious of your own mind, your behavior, your actions, your reactions.  These make up your day-to-day experience and ultimately, your happiness or dissatisfaction.  And, after all, that is what unhappiness is...when you are not satisfied with yourself, someone else, or something else. By the way, if you choose to give away the responsibility for your happiness/life to someone else, that person will often get tired of carrying around that responsibility... and give it back, unpleasantly.

Support yourself...
You have a right to be who you are and live up to your own expectations. Get your thoughts, hopes, dreams and actions into alignment. Put yourself in a quiet location and let your mind wander.  Accept all the feelings that come up and use them to identify both the positive and negative thoughts.  Acknowledge negative thoughts, one at a time, and replace each one with a positive self statement. This is one way to figure out what it is you want or need to change in your life.  The picture will get clear and you will get a good view of your own expectations and realize that these are the only ones you need to live up to...no one else's expectations really matter in the long run.

Decide to live with purpose...

• Determine that you have the power to achieve your happiness (this often involves goals)
• Determine that you are taking responsibility for your happiness
• Identify your action steps necessary to move toward happiness and away from dissatisfaction
• Check yourself often (thoughts, behavior, actions) to see if you are on track
• Develop an attitude of gratitude
• Spread some kindness
• Stop making everyone else's life revolve around yours and do something good for someone else
• Give yourself a treat everyday and enjoy it (not necessarily food or jewelry :) 
• Don't obsess over the lack of anything...(fill in the blank here -- what is it you think you don't have enough of, or what is missing?)
• Live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  You will have what you need.
• Don't compare yourself or your life to anyone else's
• Make the time to interact with people who make you feel good
• Don't have any time to interact with people who make you feel bad about yourself
• Don't carry the world on your shoulders
• Work at your faith and find your truth, whatever that is

Wishing you a much recognized happiness,
Diana