Tips on how to ...detatch yourself from your work

Today's Truth -- It is Your Life -- Choose how you want to spend it

In talking with my friends and clients, the topic of long work hours comes up often.  Many seem resigned to it and a few fight it a bit and end up right back on that frantic treadmill.  It is a huge dilemma for all of us.  The age we are in is results-driven.  It is a truth across all industries. 

I have asked people for their the motivation to continue putting in those long hours.  The majority response?  "If I don't produce, I won't keep my job."  Similarly, "If I can't get everything done, they will find someone who will."; There are a lot of people out there -- with more education and even younger than I am -- who need jobs and would work for less." 

I think part of the problem happens when we become our job -- that is, we confuse our identity of who we are with what we do. I can tell you fear runs that game.

About 72% of respondents in a recent Human Resources Management study said exhaustion was the most significant indicator of too much work, stress, lack of work/life balance, time away from the family and working too many hours.

So in my little group -- how do they cope?  It was interesting...about 45% take a sick day.  "Me" time involved vacations days, drinks out with friends and moving along the workload, i.e. delegation.

What do we do?  I found a very good article by Gill Corkindale on HBR.  Her information is excellent and she offers a solid perspective.  I know, it is another coping article, but I am hopeful you take it to heart and find parts of it you can use.

Life is so much more than a job.  And, the amazing thing...when you get the balance right for you...work isn't so much like work anymore.

Cheers!
DCR 

The Kindness Pledge

Today's Truth

What does it mean to be a kind person?

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, which is funny, because I write about personal truths I have been thinking about, experiencing or discussed with others. I haven't written here because I haven't been thinking, going through life experiences or talking...I was distracted by January. So, thanks for your patience and here comes a new topic.

True Kindness...and the expression of it.

So many people talk a good game about being kind to others, but when it comes right down to it...how much do they actually do?  I know you are thinking -- whoa!  Me too.

How kindness is explained can be far reaching.  It is more than it appears to be on the surface.  Here is a link to the word on thesaurus.com.  The many forms kindness can take  is worth looking into and thinking about.  Look at all the synonyms and check out the antonyms, too.  http://thesaurus.com/browse/kindness

Kindness is an active part of how I choose to live my life.  I found the personal pledge below and really appreciate it.  It provides action steps to incorporate kindness into our daily intentions.  It reminded me that what we think is as important as what we do.

Cheers!

DCR

Words of Wisdom: The Kindness Pledge
I Resolve to...

1. Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Act kindly toward someone as least once a day.
4. Avoid speaking unkindly of anyone.
5. Avoid speaking unkindly to anyone.
6. Avoid acting unkindly toward anyone.

Source: The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik

It's Christmas. No Stress. No Pressure. Ask Oren...

Here we go, or here we have gone...the holidays are upon us.  Many of us are running around feeling super stressed, getting angry easily, feeling pushed into a corner and find ourselves growling through the holidays.  Why is that?  For some reason the holiday season ramps up the pressure.  What is that about?  Let's ask ourselves this question and listen to the answer -- "What is this pressure I feel?"  Really, what is it?  It is a good thing to know the answer -- it can change attitudes and relieve that sense of being out of balance. 

Maybe you can identify with one or two thoughts on this list. I tried to cover most of the feelings I have heard expressed and some I've experienced myself: 

Forms of holiday pressure:

• I have too much to do and I can't get everything done in time.
• It is Christmas and if I don't give them the right gifts, I look bad.
• It is Christmas and if they don't get the right gifts, they will be unhappy.
• It is Christmas and I know I should be celebrating, but, please -- stop talking and ring up my purchases -- I can't wait forever.
• It is Christmas and even though I can't stand my (name any family member), I have to be nice and put up with him/her.
• It is Christmas and I don't have anyone special to share it with.
• Why do I always have to do everything?
• I don't have enough money to buy expensive gifts...but if I don't, people will think I am cheap or don't know the difference.
• It's Christmas and everything has to be perfect.

OK, by now, you are probably seeing the "I" word in every single stressed out thought listed above.  My question...why do we do this to ourselves?  It certainly isn't in the spirit of Christmas -- you remember that, don't you, good will, generosity, peace, love, faith, generosity?

You know what, this year, the holiday season is all about the real things for me.  What do I want to give?  Good will.  Alrighty then... that's a big goal.  So what does that look like?  I posted a quote on my personal facebook page that sort of describes it and want to share it here, too. Take a look.  Of course, I will be giving tangible gifts, but I am putting the qualities on this list at the top of my list for the whole season...and beyond: 

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. -- Oren Arnold

These gifts don't come wrapped in pretty paper.  They come wrapped in the love of your heart; the ability to genuinely love others and... "appreciate yourself". 

How to do that?  Breathe; take your time; don't spend over your budget; take some time off -- away from work (even a few hours and go to your favorite relaxing place and sit for awhile with a good book...or Kindle :); decide, (yes, decide), that you won't react negatively.

Here's more...plan a simple holiday meal and ask for help -- don't martyr yourself, ask; realize the gifts you give to others are thoughtfully chosen by you and it is the thought that counts; realize in today's economy, the giant, perfect, gifts are rare -- and that is really okay -- probably even better; realize that for your family and friends, having you relaxed and happy, rather that stressed out and mad, is a gift in itself.

The best one I know?  Have faith, know it is going to be okay and if someone is disappointed, it isn't about you. Love and love and love some more.

Additionally, there are all kinds of articles with tips to manage stress and here is a link to one of them -- seems like a straightforward article and common sense http://www.todays-women-and-health.com/managing-stress.html 

My wish for you...be happy and have a peaceful, satisfying, comfortable holiday season.

With respect,

DCR  

Gratitude's the Attitude

Today's Truth


With the holiday, Thanksgiving Day, coming up, my thoughts naturally turn to gratitude.  This time of year a great deal of thought is given to thankfulness, appreciation, respect, generosity.





Serenity, Thad L. Rice, 2009, Rice Agency



What struck me to write about is how gratitude can take many forms.  For it to be a spoken affirmation, is always nice...and a gift is certainly welcome.  Although, what I am most interested in today, is how gratitude is unspoken...that shiny little coin we take out of our pockets and share everyday.

 Gratitude is action.  So, what does that look like?  It is found in caring for an elderly parent or friend.  We share its grace when we keep nagging thoughts to ourselves.  When we consciously do not complain about a co-worker to anyone who will listen -- it is after all a choice -- is, actually, a form of gratitude. 

Once I jumped on this train of thought, I had to smile.  Thankfulness isn't always the supplicated form on bended knee.  (Although, that certainly can't hurt).  Thankfulness can be recognized in our everyday selves -- our kindness, generosity, our ability to put some one's needs before our own.  Even when we can quiet a fear or worry.  I saw a quote once and I hope I am remembering correctly..."Ingratitude is worry in advance."   Hmmm.

Thank you and me, for all of our daily efforts. 
Thanks for the laundry done; asking which show the other person wants to watch; listening when we are too busy; going to all the football games; smiling when we want to snarl; patience at the grocery or bank or cleaners; the ability to hear what is being said and accept it; not rolling our eyes at whatever is said; noticing the mundane daily chores that get done; being brave; facing fear; not always thinking about ourselves; driving with kindness; understanding it is okay to not always be right; saying the kind word; bringing an extra coffee to work; smiling at loud children; understanding it isn't the waiter's fault.  I am sure you get the drift here.  

Once started, this list can go on and on.  I appreciate, deeply, the efforts we all make to be good humans.  Let's give ourselves a little pat on the back, and keep at it.  Happy Thanksgiving...it IS the attitude of gratitude.

With respect,
DCR     

Purpose and a Personal Mission Statement...it connects

Today
First of all, let me apologize for all the spelling errors in my last post -- IDK, I must have been in a big hurry.  I have corrected them, so now it should be far easier to read and I feel better! :)

Purpose -- Why does it matter?
I have touched on this topic before, but it keeps coming up in my conversations, so I want to revisit it.  Specifically, many people have shared that they don't feel they have discovered their own purpose.  Let's talk about it again. 

I suppose purpose could be defined in many ways, but most of us think of it as job or career related.  Forget about that.  Let's discuss the bigger idea of why you are here at all.  Forget about setting goals and your daily work -- that is all pretty well set in motion, isn't it?  Most of us operate in the area of survival -- which means we are constantly working on meeting our own needs.  Purpose has a larger context.  Discovering your own purpose has a MUCH larger context. Huh, how about that?

According to the dictionary, purpose is defined as intention, determination or resolution.  OK, let's take a look at intention.  If your purpose isn't driven by career or responsibilities, what does intention have to do with it?  Take this sentence and substitute the word intention for the word purpose:  My purpose in life is to be as kind as I can be. The word intention moves purpose into the action arena, as in, "I intend to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime." There is a big difference -- the word purpose is quite foggy, while intend is direct and distinctly declares, "I will do this".   Substitute the words determination and resolution in the same sentence:  I am determined to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime.  I resolve to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime.  Do you see how this works? 

Purpose can be a much larger concept than job or career -- "My purpose/intention/resolution in life is to build/sell/create/develop/ as many widgets as I can -- doesn't quite resonate the same does it?  It doesn't speak to individual passion, strength, capability or hope. 

“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”  -- Zelda Fitzgerald

If your purpose isn't driven by career or personal responsibilities, what is there to drive it?  Do you operate at the level of need, or are you looking at a bigger picture? Are you living consciously?  Living consciously is living at a different level of self-awareness.  I think we get to a new level of awareness (where you really know who you are, what you stand for and what you want) when we are willing to ask ourselves difficult questions and have the courage to find the answers. Why the heck are we here, anyway?  I can safely say, "It ain't for the widgets, people." Smiling.  I kinda like what Zelda had to say. 

Our jobs come and they go, so do houses, cars, clothes, jewelry, Manolo Blahniks and other tangible things.  Discovering our purpose very often moves us from the goals of meeting our needs (survival) to the idea of how we want to be as a person, as in be-ing.  And, the funny thing is, once you really find your purpose and live according to it -- most things fall into place -- the rhythm of your life changes and the beat of it is in accord with your own heart.  Finding your purpose involves learning, stepping out a comfort zone or habit and looking at a larger picture than the mirror in front of you.  You can discover your purpose, but it takes some effort.  For me, I spent hours in thought, boiling it down, writing and writing. I developed my own mission statement.  The whole process gave me a clear path for action (everyday) and helped me determine my purpose. Want to hear it?

Here goes, DCR Mission Statement:
To live in the now with courage; fill my own life and the lives of others with love, compassion and strength; leave this world a better place for having lived in it.

One other thing before I sign off...our whole lives people have been telling us our purpose or supplying us with their idea of our purpose.  We see it and hear it continually in everything from advertising to the unwanted opinions of others.  Think for yourself; decide for yourself.  Love yourself and have great courage.  You are capable.

With respect,
DCR

Grace or indignation...your response makes a difference

Today
Encounters happen everyday, with loved ones, colleagues, friends and strangers -- I think it is called, life. We have all had incidents that caused us to question ourselves on how we responded at the time.  You know what I mean...those encounters that provoked a strong response...either positive or negative...grace or indignation. 

Goodwill...

Definition:  a kindly feeling of approval and support; benevolent interest or concern; cheerful consent; willing effort.  (M.Webster Dictionary)

Goodwill...what a very powerful word. I think it is so beneficial to question ourselves about the environment our actions or reactions generate. You may ask, "Why"?  Because within our responses, lies the power to create an environment of support and encouragement (grace) or generate tension and escalate anger or feelings of hurt and discouragement (indignation). 

Around our house, we put a pretty big emphasis on tolerance and trying to understand where the other person is coming from.  For example:  The really grumpy store clerk might be caring for an aging parent and three small children and working two part-time jobs. (your smile in the face of his or her indifference or rudeness, could generate some hope or just help that person feel better).  Or, your significant other had a horrible, tension-filled day at work and isn't in the best of moods.  Your decision not to jump on him/her about something he/she did or didn't do for you, could generate a peaceful atmosphere -- and your partner actually has time to recover from the indignity's of the day. 

We don't know everything about the trials or difficulties someone experiences -- even in our own families.  We don't go to work with our husbands, wives or partners.  We don't go into the classrooms with our kids.  Stuff goes on everyday.  What do we know?  We know that we govern how we treat other people.  Each one of us determines whether we dispense grace or indignation in our daily encounters.  

Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times when my reactions were more concerned with pride and holding on to my right to be right.  Funny how hanging on to your own so-called "rights" (hmm, I think that is actually called self-righteousness) can end up becoming a lesson in humility. And, how does the lesson happen?  It takes place when we question ourselves about our actions or reactions or in actions, rather than going, "la, la, la...merrily on our way."   It might be referred to as a "teachable moment," that is, if we are willing.  It happens when we make a conscious effort (care enough) to question our behavior toward other people. 

Oh, man, I can see red when someone is a thoughtless or aggressive driver.  I have learned to let that go...I govern my own response to the actions of others.  I can react with anger and frustration, or not.  In that situation I can actually think this thought, "You, stupid, jerk...I hope blah, blah, blah."  Or, I can think this thought, "Take care of yourself, buddy -- you are better than this."  Big difference, huh?  And, you know what?  I have discovered an added benefit, I am not angry or frustrated.  Hoorah! 

Do we realize the power we have to defuse a situation that has turned ugly?  Do we have an attitude of tolerance and kindness ready and waiting to be used?  Do we need...or rather, must we always be right?  You remember that quote from the bible about treating other people how you would like to be treated?  Yeah, the power to generate goodwill in the lives of all the people you encounter -- friends, family, strangers, colleagues -- has a lot to do with thinking along those lines.  My gosh, we all have enough of our own burdens to carry without adding a load to the other guy's.

Give out daily doses of grace...it's really good medicine.  It heals the hurts of others, and strangely enough, our own, too.

With respect,
DCR

Thank you to Rice Agency for the use of the beautiful photo!
It is rare to see this many blooms at one time on a domestic cactus.  This particular cactus is from a cutting that belonged to my great, great, grandmother in Georgia.  My grandmother brought a cutting with her when she came to California and our family has enjoyed the quiet beauty of it for years.  This year, the blooms joyfully exploded.