The Kindness Pledge

Today's Truth

What does it mean to be a kind person?

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, which is funny, because I write about personal truths I have been thinking about, experiencing or discussed with others. I haven't written here because I haven't been thinking, going through life experiences or talking...I was distracted by January. So, thanks for your patience and here comes a new topic.

True Kindness...and the expression of it.

So many people talk a good game about being kind to others, but when it comes right down to it...how much do they actually do?  I know you are thinking -- whoa!  Me too.

How kindness is explained can be far reaching.  It is more than it appears to be on the surface.  Here is a link to the word on thesaurus.com.  The many forms kindness can take  is worth looking into and thinking about.  Look at all the synonyms and check out the antonyms, too.  http://thesaurus.com/browse/kindness

Kindness is an active part of how I choose to live my life.  I found the personal pledge below and really appreciate it.  It provides action steps to incorporate kindness into our daily intentions.  It reminded me that what we think is as important as what we do.

Cheers!

DCR

Words of Wisdom: The Kindness Pledge
I Resolve to...

1. Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Act kindly toward someone as least once a day.
4. Avoid speaking unkindly of anyone.
5. Avoid speaking unkindly to anyone.
6. Avoid acting unkindly toward anyone.

Source: The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik

Tips: Break out of the holidays and back into business

The holidays have kicked my creative tush.

I don’t know about you, but, as wonderful as the holidays are, they totally derail my daily business activities, not to mention creativity. And, let’s face it; I am in business – artist, writer, professional blogger and non-profit strategist.

But, gosh, isn’t it fun to escape from work and focus on the gifts, food and other people. So why does this make us dread returning to work responsibilities? In a word…”Guilt.” We know exactly what we haven’t been doing. Oh, yeah. We know. And we just don't want to face it.  It really is that simple. 

I admit it. The holidays blow my self-employed business momentum. If this happens to you as well, you might find the tips I have put together useful to get back into the creative zone…and the business of it.

Take stock and make a conscious decision about which day you will again “Hit the ground running.” Then, get up that day at a specific time and – hit it.  The key here is to decide on a date and time in advance...and honor it. Take your coffee into your studio/office – it helps.

Avoid being reactive – this means focusing on your immediate responsibilities/tasks instead of reading and answering your backlog of emails and social media. If you go there, you will be doing it all day. Or, better yet, set a time period during the later part of the morning that you will respond.

Make a list and stick to it. This time-honored, time management tool works. It doesn’t allow for distractions and your mind can’t wander if your “To Do” list is right in front of you.  To help you refocus and get back into a business rhythm -- try making a list of the most critical tasks you need to accomplish. Kinda ease into it.

Devote energy to “Looking ahead”. This is easy – make plans and schedule stuff for the future. Flip through your calendar for the new year and start filling in important dates. Pencil in meetings you want to schedule; relationships you want to build; deadlines you want to meet. Dream, plan a little, write it down. It can be inspiring…and before you even realize it, you are “back into the business of business.”

Happy New Year,

DCR

It's Christmas. No Stress. No Pressure. Ask Oren...

Here we go, or here we have gone...the holidays are upon us.  Many of us are running around feeling super stressed, getting angry easily, feeling pushed into a corner and find ourselves growling through the holidays.  Why is that?  For some reason the holiday season ramps up the pressure.  What is that about?  Let's ask ourselves this question and listen to the answer -- "What is this pressure I feel?"  Really, what is it?  It is a good thing to know the answer -- it can change attitudes and relieve that sense of being out of balance. 

Maybe you can identify with one or two thoughts on this list. I tried to cover most of the feelings I have heard expressed and some I've experienced myself: 

Forms of holiday pressure:

• I have too much to do and I can't get everything done in time.
• It is Christmas and if I don't give them the right gifts, I look bad.
• It is Christmas and if they don't get the right gifts, they will be unhappy.
• It is Christmas and I know I should be celebrating, but, please -- stop talking and ring up my purchases -- I can't wait forever.
• It is Christmas and even though I can't stand my (name any family member), I have to be nice and put up with him/her.
• It is Christmas and I don't have anyone special to share it with.
• Why do I always have to do everything?
• I don't have enough money to buy expensive gifts...but if I don't, people will think I am cheap or don't know the difference.
• It's Christmas and everything has to be perfect.

OK, by now, you are probably seeing the "I" word in every single stressed out thought listed above.  My question...why do we do this to ourselves?  It certainly isn't in the spirit of Christmas -- you remember that, don't you, good will, generosity, peace, love, faith, generosity?

You know what, this year, the holiday season is all about the real things for me.  What do I want to give?  Good will.  Alrighty then... that's a big goal.  So what does that look like?  I posted a quote on my personal facebook page that sort of describes it and want to share it here, too. Take a look.  Of course, I will be giving tangible gifts, but I am putting the qualities on this list at the top of my list for the whole season...and beyond: 

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect. -- Oren Arnold

These gifts don't come wrapped in pretty paper.  They come wrapped in the love of your heart; the ability to genuinely love others and... "appreciate yourself". 

How to do that?  Breathe; take your time; don't spend over your budget; take some time off -- away from work (even a few hours and go to your favorite relaxing place and sit for awhile with a good book...or Kindle :); decide, (yes, decide), that you won't react negatively.

Here's more...plan a simple holiday meal and ask for help -- don't martyr yourself, ask; realize the gifts you give to others are thoughtfully chosen by you and it is the thought that counts; realize in today's economy, the giant, perfect, gifts are rare -- and that is really okay -- probably even better; realize that for your family and friends, having you relaxed and happy, rather that stressed out and mad, is a gift in itself.

The best one I know?  Have faith, know it is going to be okay and if someone is disappointed, it isn't about you. Love and love and love some more.

Additionally, there are all kinds of articles with tips to manage stress and here is a link to one of them -- seems like a straightforward article and common sense http://www.todays-women-and-health.com/managing-stress.html 

My wish for you...be happy and have a peaceful, satisfying, comfortable holiday season.

With respect,

DCR  

Weekends are forever...oh, really, I thought they were.

Play a little bit all week long



Today's Truth

Ah, the weekend is virtually here.  It is Friday and the countdown to freedom has begun.

Yep, we all feel that way...bosses, owners, managers, employees, volunteers...we all think "TGIF".  Why is that?

As a self-employed worker wearing all the hats mentioned above, I do have some flexibility in my work week.  I don't cram my work schedule into 60-70 hour weeks anymore.  Thank you, oh, thank you!  if I want to juggle my schedule and go to a golf game, I can, and answer only to myself about it.  Wouldn't you think that would make the weekend less important to me?  As we speak I am sitting at my computer drinking coffee and eating cookies...in my sweats, mind you.  So why, really... why, is the weekend still as important to me as it was when I was working all those long hours? 

I have thought about this for awhile. Here is a question (and it's not a bad one)...could it be because we give ourselves permission to be happy, relaxed and focused on our real lives on the weekend?  Do we just let our hair down and and think, "Boy-oh-boy, I can sleep in; wear no make-up; live in comfy clothes; spend more time with the kids; cook; read; veg; watch television - movies; get outside; nap; stay inside; paint; write; decorate; repair; shop...do you see where I am going with this?

Hey, I am right there with ya, buddy!  I am peddling that work wheel all week too! (say that three times very quickly-- sounds like... would a woodchuck chuck...).  Yeah, we do chuck wood. All week.  It doesn't matter if we love our job or not.  We are still, each and every one of us, not starting our day with our own agenda.  Man, who gets to do that?  The very, very wealthy?  

We are not alone.  A recent study of more than 50,000 employees from a variety of manufacturing and service organizations found that two out of every five are dissatisfied with the balance between their work and their personal lives. 

How do you get a more balanced work and personal life so the weekend isn't the only freedom you have? Here are some tips that might work for you...

• Negotiate and change your hours at work -- can you flex or go part-time?
• Get a new job -- some jobs are more stressful than others and suck the life right out of you.
• Take a good hard look at consulting or free-lancing.  Can you make it work financially?
• Schedule fewer meetings...really, and schedule more time in between them.  Talk to your team and see how you can eliminate some meetings.  They will cheer!
• Slow down and do not plan stuff every evening and weekend.  You are in charge of that, aren't you?
• Take time out for you.  No one will faint if the dishes aren't done or the lawn doesn't get mowed.  Hire a baby sitter, dog sitter, housekeeper, gardener, if you can afford one or all.  Or, ask your friends or family for a favor -- it's allowed.  Escape for a few hours during the week.  You will be amazed!
• Just say no.  Really,  politely, say no.  No, I can't go shopping, or take on the project or host the holiday feast or plan the company picnic or chair that special fundraiser for the school.
• Take a "mental health" day away from work. We used to call that playing hooky.  It's OK, I give you permission.
• Oh, I hate to say it...Make a list, set priorities and accomplish them.  Putting off tasks adds to stress.  Getting it done at work and at home, will simplify your life and take some of the guilt off your mind.
• Live in the moment and not in the future or past.  You can't get it all done and make your whole world right, at this minute, can you?  Probably not, so take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up and do what you can with each day -- just make sure you include in it some of the things YOU want.  And, reach for the happy.  I promise you will lose some frustration...a little resentment and feel recharged throughout the week and weekend.

With respect,

DCR

Purpose and a Personal Mission Statement...it connects

Today
First of all, let me apologize for all the spelling errors in my last post -- IDK, I must have been in a big hurry.  I have corrected them, so now it should be far easier to read and I feel better! :)

Purpose -- Why does it matter?
I have touched on this topic before, but it keeps coming up in my conversations, so I want to revisit it.  Specifically, many people have shared that they don't feel they have discovered their own purpose.  Let's talk about it again. 

I suppose purpose could be defined in many ways, but most of us think of it as job or career related.  Forget about that.  Let's discuss the bigger idea of why you are here at all.  Forget about setting goals and your daily work -- that is all pretty well set in motion, isn't it?  Most of us operate in the area of survival -- which means we are constantly working on meeting our own needs.  Purpose has a larger context.  Discovering your own purpose has a MUCH larger context. Huh, how about that?

According to the dictionary, purpose is defined as intention, determination or resolution.  OK, let's take a look at intention.  If your purpose isn't driven by career or responsibilities, what does intention have to do with it?  Take this sentence and substitute the word intention for the word purpose:  My purpose in life is to be as kind as I can be. The word intention moves purpose into the action arena, as in, "I intend to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime." There is a big difference -- the word purpose is quite foggy, while intend is direct and distinctly declares, "I will do this".   Substitute the words determination and resolution in the same sentence:  I am determined to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime.  I resolve to be as kind as I can be in my lifetime.  Do you see how this works? 

Purpose can be a much larger concept than job or career -- "My purpose/intention/resolution in life is to build/sell/create/develop/ as many widgets as I can -- doesn't quite resonate the same does it?  It doesn't speak to individual passion, strength, capability or hope. 

“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.”  -- Zelda Fitzgerald

If your purpose isn't driven by career or personal responsibilities, what is there to drive it?  Do you operate at the level of need, or are you looking at a bigger picture? Are you living consciously?  Living consciously is living at a different level of self-awareness.  I think we get to a new level of awareness (where you really know who you are, what you stand for and what you want) when we are willing to ask ourselves difficult questions and have the courage to find the answers. Why the heck are we here, anyway?  I can safely say, "It ain't for the widgets, people." Smiling.  I kinda like what Zelda had to say. 

Our jobs come and they go, so do houses, cars, clothes, jewelry, Manolo Blahniks and other tangible things.  Discovering our purpose very often moves us from the goals of meeting our needs (survival) to the idea of how we want to be as a person, as in be-ing.  And, the funny thing is, once you really find your purpose and live according to it -- most things fall into place -- the rhythm of your life changes and the beat of it is in accord with your own heart.  Finding your purpose involves learning, stepping out a comfort zone or habit and looking at a larger picture than the mirror in front of you.  You can discover your purpose, but it takes some effort.  For me, I spent hours in thought, boiling it down, writing and writing. I developed my own mission statement.  The whole process gave me a clear path for action (everyday) and helped me determine my purpose. Want to hear it?

Here goes, DCR Mission Statement:
To live in the now with courage; fill my own life and the lives of others with love, compassion and strength; leave this world a better place for having lived in it.

One other thing before I sign off...our whole lives people have been telling us our purpose or supplying us with their idea of our purpose.  We see it and hear it continually in everything from advertising to the unwanted opinions of others.  Think for yourself; decide for yourself.  Love yourself and have great courage.  You are capable.

With respect,
DCR