The Kindness Pledge

Today's Truth

What does it mean to be a kind person?

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, which is funny, because I write about personal truths I have been thinking about, experiencing or discussed with others. I haven't written here because I haven't been thinking, going through life experiences or talking...I was distracted by January. So, thanks for your patience and here comes a new topic.

True Kindness...and the expression of it.

So many people talk a good game about being kind to others, but when it comes right down to it...how much do they actually do?  I know you are thinking -- whoa!  Me too.

How kindness is explained can be far reaching.  It is more than it appears to be on the surface.  Here is a link to the word on thesaurus.com.  The many forms kindness can take  is worth looking into and thinking about.  Look at all the synonyms and check out the antonyms, too.  http://thesaurus.com/browse/kindness

Kindness is an active part of how I choose to live my life.  I found the personal pledge below and really appreciate it.  It provides action steps to incorporate kindness into our daily intentions.  It reminded me that what we think is as important as what we do.

Cheers!

DCR

Words of Wisdom: The Kindness Pledge
I Resolve to...

1. Speak kindly of someone at least once a day.
2. Think kindly about someone at least once a day.
3. Act kindly toward someone as least once a day.
4. Avoid speaking unkindly of anyone.
5. Avoid speaking unkindly to anyone.
6. Avoid acting unkindly toward anyone.

Source: The Hidden Power of Kindness, by Lawrence G. Lovasik

Tips: Break out of the holidays and back into business

The holidays have kicked my creative tush.

I don’t know about you, but, as wonderful as the holidays are, they totally derail my daily business activities, not to mention creativity. And, let’s face it; I am in business – artist, writer, professional blogger and non-profit strategist.

But, gosh, isn’t it fun to escape from work and focus on the gifts, food and other people. So why does this make us dread returning to work responsibilities? In a word…”Guilt.” We know exactly what we haven’t been doing. Oh, yeah. We know. And we just don't want to face it.  It really is that simple. 

I admit it. The holidays blow my self-employed business momentum. If this happens to you as well, you might find the tips I have put together useful to get back into the creative zone…and the business of it.

Take stock and make a conscious decision about which day you will again “Hit the ground running.” Then, get up that day at a specific time and – hit it.  The key here is to decide on a date and time in advance...and honor it. Take your coffee into your studio/office – it helps.

Avoid being reactive – this means focusing on your immediate responsibilities/tasks instead of reading and answering your backlog of emails and social media. If you go there, you will be doing it all day. Or, better yet, set a time period during the later part of the morning that you will respond.

Make a list and stick to it. This time-honored, time management tool works. It doesn’t allow for distractions and your mind can’t wander if your “To Do” list is right in front of you.  To help you refocus and get back into a business rhythm -- try making a list of the most critical tasks you need to accomplish. Kinda ease into it.

Devote energy to “Looking ahead”. This is easy – make plans and schedule stuff for the future. Flip through your calendar for the new year and start filling in important dates. Pencil in meetings you want to schedule; relationships you want to build; deadlines you want to meet. Dream, plan a little, write it down. It can be inspiring…and before you even realize it, you are “back into the business of business.”

Happy New Year,

DCR

Gratitude's the Attitude

Today's Truth


With the holiday, Thanksgiving Day, coming up, my thoughts naturally turn to gratitude.  This time of year a great deal of thought is given to thankfulness, appreciation, respect, generosity.





Serenity, Thad L. Rice, 2009, Rice Agency



What struck me to write about is how gratitude can take many forms.  For it to be a spoken affirmation, is always nice...and a gift is certainly welcome.  Although, what I am most interested in today, is how gratitude is unspoken...that shiny little coin we take out of our pockets and share everyday.

 Gratitude is action.  So, what does that look like?  It is found in caring for an elderly parent or friend.  We share its grace when we keep nagging thoughts to ourselves.  When we consciously do not complain about a co-worker to anyone who will listen -- it is after all a choice -- is, actually, a form of gratitude. 

Once I jumped on this train of thought, I had to smile.  Thankfulness isn't always the supplicated form on bended knee.  (Although, that certainly can't hurt).  Thankfulness can be recognized in our everyday selves -- our kindness, generosity, our ability to put some one's needs before our own.  Even when we can quiet a fear or worry.  I saw a quote once and I hope I am remembering correctly..."Ingratitude is worry in advance."   Hmmm.

Thank you and me, for all of our daily efforts. 
Thanks for the laundry done; asking which show the other person wants to watch; listening when we are too busy; going to all the football games; smiling when we want to snarl; patience at the grocery or bank or cleaners; the ability to hear what is being said and accept it; not rolling our eyes at whatever is said; noticing the mundane daily chores that get done; being brave; facing fear; not always thinking about ourselves; driving with kindness; understanding it is okay to not always be right; saying the kind word; bringing an extra coffee to work; smiling at loud children; understanding it isn't the waiter's fault.  I am sure you get the drift here.  

Once started, this list can go on and on.  I appreciate, deeply, the efforts we all make to be good humans.  Let's give ourselves a little pat on the back, and keep at it.  Happy Thanksgiving...it IS the attitude of gratitude.

With respect,
DCR     

Weekends are forever...oh, really, I thought they were.

Play a little bit all week long



Today's Truth

Ah, the weekend is virtually here.  It is Friday and the countdown to freedom has begun.

Yep, we all feel that way...bosses, owners, managers, employees, volunteers...we all think "TGIF".  Why is that?

As a self-employed worker wearing all the hats mentioned above, I do have some flexibility in my work week.  I don't cram my work schedule into 60-70 hour weeks anymore.  Thank you, oh, thank you!  if I want to juggle my schedule and go to a golf game, I can, and answer only to myself about it.  Wouldn't you think that would make the weekend less important to me?  As we speak I am sitting at my computer drinking coffee and eating cookies...in my sweats, mind you.  So why, really... why, is the weekend still as important to me as it was when I was working all those long hours? 

I have thought about this for awhile. Here is a question (and it's not a bad one)...could it be because we give ourselves permission to be happy, relaxed and focused on our real lives on the weekend?  Do we just let our hair down and and think, "Boy-oh-boy, I can sleep in; wear no make-up; live in comfy clothes; spend more time with the kids; cook; read; veg; watch television - movies; get outside; nap; stay inside; paint; write; decorate; repair; shop...do you see where I am going with this?

Hey, I am right there with ya, buddy!  I am peddling that work wheel all week too! (say that three times very quickly-- sounds like... would a woodchuck chuck...).  Yeah, we do chuck wood. All week.  It doesn't matter if we love our job or not.  We are still, each and every one of us, not starting our day with our own agenda.  Man, who gets to do that?  The very, very wealthy?  

We are not alone.  A recent study of more than 50,000 employees from a variety of manufacturing and service organizations found that two out of every five are dissatisfied with the balance between their work and their personal lives. 

How do you get a more balanced work and personal life so the weekend isn't the only freedom you have? Here are some tips that might work for you...

• Negotiate and change your hours at work -- can you flex or go part-time?
• Get a new job -- some jobs are more stressful than others and suck the life right out of you.
• Take a good hard look at consulting or free-lancing.  Can you make it work financially?
• Schedule fewer meetings...really, and schedule more time in between them.  Talk to your team and see how you can eliminate some meetings.  They will cheer!
• Slow down and do not plan stuff every evening and weekend.  You are in charge of that, aren't you?
• Take time out for you.  No one will faint if the dishes aren't done or the lawn doesn't get mowed.  Hire a baby sitter, dog sitter, housekeeper, gardener, if you can afford one or all.  Or, ask your friends or family for a favor -- it's allowed.  Escape for a few hours during the week.  You will be amazed!
• Just say no.  Really,  politely, say no.  No, I can't go shopping, or take on the project or host the holiday feast or plan the company picnic or chair that special fundraiser for the school.
• Take a "mental health" day away from work. We used to call that playing hooky.  It's OK, I give you permission.
• Oh, I hate to say it...Make a list, set priorities and accomplish them.  Putting off tasks adds to stress.  Getting it done at work and at home, will simplify your life and take some of the guilt off your mind.
• Live in the moment and not in the future or past.  You can't get it all done and make your whole world right, at this minute, can you?  Probably not, so take a deep breath, don't beat yourself up and do what you can with each day -- just make sure you include in it some of the things YOU want.  And, reach for the happy.  I promise you will lose some frustration...a little resentment and feel recharged throughout the week and weekend.

With respect,

DCR

The Many Avenues of Truth: Motives -- check in often

Today
Hello! Sorry again that I haven't posted in two weeks -- crazy schedule -- fabulous and inspiring, but the kind that required my entire focus.

MOTIVE
I have been thinking recently about the importance of motive, i.e. that little factor that shapes our thought and leads to action. Actually, motive is much larger than what we think, when you bring it into mind as a question, you can begin to define your response to the words and actions of others. Not only can you question your own motives -- you are free to investigate and determine the motivation of other people -- friends, family, colleagues, brief acquaintances, etc. Sometimes these questions are effortless to recognize, as in, "What on earth was he/she thinking?" We all easily recognize that thought! Sometimes, not so much.

Today's discussion is about quietly assessing why we or someone else has said or done something. It is a valuable tool, for ourselves (why are we thinking, saying or doing whatever it is we are thinking, saying or doing) or...why is someone else saying or doing something.

I have heard it said that our motives are the same thing as our desires. Hmmm, ok...what do people want – way deep down? We all want to be happy...I think it is that simple.
How do motives play into the happiness plan? Motives lead to intentions.

Now, having said that mouthful, let me begin to explain:  There are lots and lots of ways to approach anything. We each choose on an infinitesimal scale daily what we are going to say and do. All interactions involve what? Yay, you guessed it -- people. So, we have our own motives...and make no mistake about it...it is...how am I going to respond today so I can express my own idea of happiness... love, patience, mercy and peace or am I going to get what I want regardless of the pain/discomfort/humiliation/loss of confidence/sadness/hurt/ it might cause another person? That itty-bitty definition is motive boiled down to its core.

You don't suck it up like your favorite strawberry milkshake. -- DCR

 What about the motivations of other people? I love my mama -- she boils stuff down to the core in every interaction she has -- she knows where her feet are and can pretty much tell you why the other guy is saying or doing whatever it is he/she saying or doing. Gosh, I appreciate that skill. There is no fooling her. She has lived long enough to know the wisdom of asking that question...why? She taught her girls to ask that question...did we always listen? Well, that is another story.

For ourselves, we can ask the question... how is this going to effect someone else-- is this thought/conversation/action constructive or destructive? And, hey, no matter what you are telling yourself, you know the answer. You may want to start practicing a little self-awareness -- we may be just a little rusty on that one -- but it is how we take responsibility for our thoughts/words and actions. And please, don't be vague here. Gosh, don't you just love vague -- you can hide all sorts of things there. Smiling.

Let's talk about why it might be wise to question other folks' motives? Because you are not a complete ninny, that is why. You are intelligent -- you realize people say or do stuff for all kinds of reasons that are not always in your best interest. Do you hate them for it? NO, you recognize what they are doing and why, then deflect it. You don't suck it up like your favorite strawberry milkshake. We live and learn. If we care at all, we learn to recognize motivations and behaviors.

You want an example? OK. You have a friend that always, always shares his/her drama with you...seeking your input (which by the way you give with your whole heart and good intentions)...but stuff never changes, the drama continues in one form or another. Does the relationship drama in his/her life ever get fixed? Does he/she ever actually solve the problem? In this situation his or her motivation for telling you these private problems isn't really for you to fix it, this person is just using you for a dumping ground -- your input goes in one ear and out the other. This isn't constructive...it is destructive if you are feeling sad, drained, frustrated or tired after a conversation with this person. OK, so... you now recognize what this person is doing and stop your emotional investment. Sure, you can still listen if you want (I wouldn't, but that is my take), but know that you cannot invest yourself in helping this person solve anything. You are not being judgmental...you are recognizing motivation and choosing how you are going to respond to it.

Either recognizing what motivates ourselves or other is valuable. It is a tool you will want to use often. It will make a difference in your own happiness and for others, too.

Constructive...destructive? It is up to you.

With respect and affection,

DCR